“Nielsen originally attempted to avoid capture by seeking political asylum in the Lambda Lambda Lambda house, where he had been a member in the early 80s.”

One wonders how Dallas could possibly cope with the subtraction of Bogut and his 3.8 ppg in 26 minutes. His replacement, a 30-year-old player I had never heard of (apparently a stalwart for the Tunisian national team), positively exploded for 8 points.

It would be kind of cruel re-settling Syrian refugees in Kansas, seeing as it would immediately remind them of the bombed-out shithole they just left.

Jurgen was given... Das Boot

When the team is running down, you make the best of what’s still around

It’s time to reach out to the back-up quarterbacks, Beef Binkles and Blart Boofles. If that fails we’re going to the practice squad to get Burp Bangles some reps.

(Jimmy Haslam harvests orphans’ organs for international black market, is pardoned by Trump in 2018)

My beloved* JJ Watt is still in shitloads of commercials, and I’m not even in Houston, where apparently making a local commercial without him is illegal. Either they were filmed before the season-ending injury or he’s used the injury to elevate to Krusty-level “heartily endorsing this event or product” shilling.

The good news for the Bengals is that Marvin Lewis won’t add to his playoff loss total any time soon.

That’s one of the cardinal sins in America: not being born white.

Thomas: You’ve got to lie in the bed you’ve made

I always appreciated the underlying lessons of Double Dare, Weinerville, and Life With Louie: life is an unrelenting shitshow filled with awful people committing atrocities nearly impossible to contemplate.

Not only that but he has a 4.5 year old tweet which is at the very least subjectively problematic according to my mood ring which measures problematicness

Remember: Internet Recognition Fun Bucks only redeemable for items at the Univision Deportes y Politica company store.

“I only saw the smoke” — Laremy Tunsil, on Draft Day

(gets Dave Davies to re-record Kinks B-Side as “Sessions Man”)

As if lock-step obstruction for (a) nearly all judicial and lesser candidates (b) anything approaching legislation didn’t prove this axiomatically years and years ago: there are no moderate Republicans.

“Appears to have mustache, talks into head-set occasionally. Yells at underperforming people. Pumps fist when defensive stop is made. Team logo is on shirt.” — evaluation of Jeff Fisher by a hypothetical person in charge of Rams football operations.

So the magnifying glass is actually the symbol for a middle finger?

Say what you want, the injury-riddled Packers’ signing of the screeching discount double check gremlin will pay dividends in the run stoppage game.