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Say what you want, she was kind of zaftig-hot in Facts of Life.

You’ll be sorry if you miss that Cam Newton post-TD-in-a-20-point-loss Retro-Dab in real-time and have to rely on second- or third-hand written accounts of it because the NFL disabled all the highlights everywhere else.

“The Enron collapse happened on a Thursday. The lesson: never trust billionaires, they are devious fucks separating gormless sheep from their money with ruthless abandon. Now here’s some football!”

You get two hurry up offenses and two bad defenses, and it’s an all-day affair that usually ends with you planning your “Fire Charlie Strong” call for Monday morning sports talk radio

Anything can happen on Thursday, hell you could be flipping through the channels haphazardly when the batteries on the remote go dead just as you get to Michael Irvin being a clown-ass motherfucker on the interminable NFL Network pregame, before you can get up to manually change it to something tolerable like an…

If this goes badly, the nuclear option is an all-failed USC QB depth chart, with Leinart, Booty, and Barkley

True story: he went to Jay Cutler’s Blank-Faced Stare While Holding Onto The Neck Line of Your Jersey After Going Down by 21 Points Camp as a high school junior.

I am SO sick of this bullshit meme, he’s only gone 7-9 half the time with the Rams, the other two times he went 7-8-1 and 6-10. Here’s hoping for 4-12 and a lot of 3rd down punts as Goff runs off the field to hide behind the bench.

(L.A. billboard of a badly photo-shopped Jared in an Imperial military uniform) BLAND GOFF TARKIN

It’s just a realistic painting on the side of a cliff wall

“We need to drug test, drain the fluids of, and microchip any recipient of public welfare” “How about a billion dollars for billionaires with no strings attached?” “SOUNDS GOOD”

I’m wondering who the little Poindexter guy is, like Mario van Peebles found his equivalent of Andre Braugher in Glory

I guess Funky Cold Medina is the dimmer of the two in the Tone Loc binary star system

Well Billy Zane wasn’t in the titular Posse, he was the evil Confederate.. wait a minute I ain’t admitting SHIT

I’d be pissed too if it was intimated that my client hung out with a broken-down Highlander like Mario van Peebles, lesser Baldwin brother, and one-hit wonder-rapper Tone Loc.

“There’s a fine line between dreary, repetitive trolling and user-generated content! That and we are SHITFACED by 11 am Eastern” — Univision Mujeres press release

I’ve already preemptively applied the solution by deactivating my account and setting up a living will where if I get back on that shit-wagon anyone I know can take me out and claim the contents of my secret safety deposit box.

And protesting the anthem is equivalent to hoping the British took Fort McHenry and won the War of 1812, where we’d now be in a commonwealth with a bunch of Brexiting skinheads. No win situation, mate!

Well at least we don’t have the trappings of a fascist state, where even a protester equates the President with the country and the troops are constantly invoked without their knowledge or consent to stifle dissent and nobody in any uniform is to be questioned.