speaking as a former employee of one of the closing Sears locations: good riddance

When going through the Hot Dad phase I had around 18, i watched all of a show called The Gates because it’s about the only thing that actually starred Frank Grillo. I was stoned for most of it too, of course.

i would star, but it’s The Sex Number and I refuse to change that

Washington, under some circumstances, I recently learned from a friend who lives there. Yikes/

this is the best video on the internet and i was thinking all of the headlines in this guy’s voice ngl

i read every headline in the voice of the guy who did the yahoo answers misspellings of pregnant video

My uncle bought me one of those as a kid, and when he had a kid my dad gave him a miniature drum kit as revenge.

it just sounds like cartoon snoring. maybe a “me” at the end but the beginning doesn’t sound like a word at all. also didn’t something very similar happen with another speaking toy last year?

as a person who has been vegetarian for just shy of a year and ate meat once or twice so as not to inconvenience my family, i shudder to think how sick she got afterwards.

i... don’t want an answer to this question but HOW do you fuck a bird

I got yelled at when I had to do a pre-hire drug test because no matter how badly i have to pee, I can’t if I’m under any sort of pressure (late for class, trying to leave on time for a bus, etc etc) and I understand there are time limits and rules but it was the worst. I was allowed two tries and the second time was…

why is this the one that i can’t stop laughing at? is it because i haven’t slept yet or is it “just taking a sweet piss?”

Pigeons are so bizarrely complacent, I almost trip on them sometimes.

I don’t think anyone actually pooped their pants in this situation, but I went to a summer camp that only had a stall bathroom and was almost always in use. Lots of people had bad stomachaches and cramps from holding their poops.

idk what kind of pockets your women’s pants/jackets have but my phone barely fits in any of that shit. a wallet? not even a corner of it.

This is pretty far from the same thing, and not exactly scary, but once my sister and I both had the same dream at the same time. In it, we were in the one tree of the backyard of a house our dad was living in at the time. We looked up and saw a very angry squirrel, which then started coming down the tree at us so we…

That was the only one that didn’t feel very genuine to me.

okay! i tried to read the comments and everyone is being really irritatingly cynical about this. let’s try: i’m gay and this is very wonderful to see and very cute and i’m happy for them!!!

I joined facebook in the seventh grade, so pretty much all of mine are awful (I eventually just gave up and started posting everything to my timeline)

I have two, both are from the year I spent working at Sears. Notably, the mall was very short on bathrooms and my store was one of the only ones to have any so it was mostly used by random mallgoers and homeless people.