Remember how nobody was supposed to have seen a dragon before the War of the Lance, but then they did that prequel where Sturm went to the moon and met a dragon and it was no big deal?

We need more "awesome futures prevented by somebody who causes a bleak future." I can only think of this happening twice:

She went off to Star Wars Land and fought Star Wars.

Hmmm. In the comics, Groot always just grows back *like that.* Guess this means we're going to be stuck with Baby Groot in the comics now.

(Takes notes for daughter's church choir.)

This music could increase ticket sales. And then they'll earn Mordo.

WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME????

Shit. Stop saying that.

STAR LORD.

The Hope Diamond carries a terrible curse. But you do get your choice of topping.

How much to repair Liza Minelli's fractured relationship with Judy Garland?

I've got a pair of heels that stretch. They're amazing and look awesome on my calves.

Da da lat da (Da da lat da)
Da da lat da (Da da lat da)

Technicolor rocks.

Did he ever get around to being Batman? That kind of sucks for a resume. "Guy who became Batman 30 seconds after the movie ended."

So, we need a couple of scandals?

Have we picked on Emma Stone too much? Despite the miscasting in that Aloha movie or whatever it's called…I have trouble getting mad at that face.

OK, fine. There's undoubtedly a link between my kid's mental illness and her intelligence.

…and that's what it will cost you to send Maggie to college.

The 2nd Amendment protects my right to bear fireballs, hammers, and raccoon costumes.