Dear every news outlet: do you think maybe given that the fight lasted under a minute, you could just post the whole thing, instead of giving us “highlights?” How the fuck do you have highlights of a 48 second fight? We’re goddamn adults, we can sit through (and many of us would prefer to) 48 seconds and actually see…

Is Grayson really a name? A bunch of my dumbfuck friends have named their weiner kids this so it seems like it’s a thing. Fuck Duke and fuck their made-up-name players. If this isn’t a wildly blatant example of the mob (whoever you define as the mob in college basketball) running shit I mean come on...aren’t there…

Jesus, there are rules about how many seconds a coach can talk to his player? FFS I swear there are people at the office of the NFL whose sole job it must be to just make up arcane, ridiculous rules. Fucking figure out some signals, fellas. I realize FOOTBAW is a complicated game but this is out of hand even for the…

Oh so you mean a sport that systematically brainwashes girls from a very young age, has them drastically change their diet so they remain underdeveloped, forces them to work sweatshop hours for the 0.001% chance they might get a small, circular piece of gold in exchange for their entire youth, and spits them out on…

Is your screen name a darts reference? Because my friends and I have been yelling that for years whenever something goes really well, like the British darts announcers... “Sixty...one-twenty...ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY!!!!”

You have a very low threshold for “terrifying.” How do you describe stuff that’s actually horrifying?

Can confirm...it’s been in legal in Ontario for years now, and a) it’s still incredibly rare and b) it is NEVER EVER the people you would want to see. Mostly it’s just old, chubby lesbians in the Pride parade every year. (Not hating on Pride, it’s wonderful and a great use for all the usually-unused colours of paint…

I really hope you’re telling the truth. And I wanna hear that story.

Agreed...if you live in NYC, you can get food from absolutely anywhere on the planet, often in “fusion” with another kind of food, from somewhere else on the planet. There is no excuse. This is the city that gave us cronuts, FFS.

a) you’re a fucking dolt if your choice not to drink comes from a man whom you think lives in the sky and tells you what to do

Look out, I’m Hitler!

Damn, David Duchovny, you’ve gone soft. Soft and weird.

In other news, apparently 50 million people CAN be wrong. What does this guy do again? Just regular stuff people already do, but on the internet? Who is entertained by this?

Anyone who buys or even uses one of these should have their overly-hopped 9 dollar bottle of craft brew taken from them and their stupid beard and suspenders. Go back to Williamsburg! Must you ruin everything we love???

Anyone who buys or even uses one of these should have their overly-hopped 9 dollar bottle of craft brew taken from…

Price probably should have gotten a game misconduct but at the same time, I’m totally behind him for losing it if he’s getting run repeatedly.

Couldn’t we just call them really thin pancakes?

Sweet jesus that is absurd. Wonder why the guy has a couple of Stanley Cups, 2 Harts, a Conn Smythe, and an Olympic gold medal? Don’t.

You have hands down the best screen name I’ve seen in months. I have no response to your comment (other than I assume you’re the mayor of Atlanta or somewhere) but that made my damn day. My only edit is that I’d add “Rent-A-Car” at the end.

Promise me, fellow Deadspinners, that whenever it is I die, no one makes a fucking hashtag for it.

And um, how do you not notice you’re almost out of fuel? I’m aware that planes are fueled with sort “just enough” to get it to the destination to keep weight down, but this includes (unless someone screwed up) a safety factor to account for all kinds of changes (increase in headwind, emergency on the ground that makes…