It’s not easy to come off as more pretentious than the person you are calling pretentious. Bravo.

Fixed it.

This is probably the most fun I’ve had watching the Yankees in years. Every home run ARod hits has got to kill Bud Selig a little. And I’m good with that as well.

Might have had accessories, and they might have been rounding.

Welcome to the world of accounting.

Actual conversations I’ve had:

“Since the engine was out...”

To strike out swinging.

I can’t think of a joke to convey how fucking terrible that AZ announcing crew is.

“ And its Africa....i hear it gets hot there, id wear shorts too”

I agree with you

For years my friend and I would ask for things “may I have the salt...one salt only”....”may I have a beer....one beer only”. It went on for a while.

You mean “shtayed”, surely?

Did Russia built itself on enslaving Africans? Did China? Listen, there are plenty of people who deserve plenty of blame, but pointing the finger at every white person is as racist as the people you’re addressing.

I drank a mimosa in the shower the other day and it was the best thing that happened to me all week.

I’ve never taken measure of this and I can’t say if it’s the drinking specifically, but I give my guys a long-ass lunchbreak. I’m assuming they drink (I certainly do) - or nap, browse Facebook, jerk off, whatever. I don’t care; I’m talking Spanish siesta-style, nothing is scheduled between 12:30 and 3:30.

Proper drinking time: My family is Polish and our motto is ‘It’s always noon somewhere!’

Elevator: follow the Brits on this one. You do not talk in an elevator period. You look forward and up. If you’re having a conversation with a friend getting on an elevator, you stop mid-convo, look forward and up, and resume when you disembark.

But I still keep 5 p.m. as the standard: That’s the little magical barrier I put up to convince myself that I am NOT an alcoholic.