Less impressive than Chris Bosh’s cameo:

I am shocked that people think someone dying on the field in an NFL game would have much effect beyond all teams wearing a black patch or something on their sleeves for the remainder of the regular season.  

Nora is awesome and lovely and I want a polar bear but I know it would grow up and eat me because polar bears are godless killing machines but I love her anyway.

Carroll initially attempted to downplay the incident, saying flying attacks are commonly overblown in the media.

“Hold my beer”
- The Bears

Fumbles beer
- The Jets

Recovers beer, chugs beer, shouts “69", spikes beer into ground
- Gronk

His signature shoe looks good on the golf course.

He actually did get a call from the HOF but it was dropped

Sammy Sosa simply refuses to pick a race

At least they got Rafael AT&T’s name right.

Racism, mostly.

Big deal. Like that’s ever harmed anyone before.

Can’t beat nepotism!

Here’s my Rams story:

We’re now in a situation where the heads of the US Armed Forces, traditionally some of the most stubborn socially conservative people on the planet, are more tolerant than the President.

Pictured: Smith talking to his sources.

You don’t roll up in your regular ride when you’re about to commit a senseless homicide. You get a car that you can ditch quickly and walk away from clean.

Thats what you get for staying in the key for more than 3 seconds.

Reince Priebus doesn’t feel.

That poor rando is the only man who truly knows how Reince Priebus feels.

Were you out all fucking night?