YOU WOULD TOO IF YOU WERE ATTACHED TO A GERRYADDICT BASTARD.

SHE TRIED TO KISS 'EM BUT THAT OLD BASTARD SAID MAM YOUR LIKIN' MY NOSE!

THAT HEADER PIC IS AIRBRUSHED WORSE THAN RIC FLAIRS NUTSAC!

KEN BOON NEEDS TO TELL HIS STORY WALKIN'. LOSER CAME INTO HIS, CAME INTO MY RESTRANT AND ORDERED THE DOWN HOME DUMPLINS. THIS UNEDUCATED HICK THEN GETS UP AND STARTS HELPING HISSELF TO THE ALL DAY BREAKFAST BUFFET. ONLY MY FREAKS GET FREE BUFFET! SO I'M SCOPIN' THIS LOSER OUT, THINKIN' I SHOULD GIVIM A FRANKENSTEINER,…

LOOK, I'M SORRY I BROKE THE RULES OF YOUR AB CLUB WEBSITE. I'VE BEEN UNNA A LOTTA STRESS LATELY. THOSE VODKA-SWILLIN' FUCKS DOWN AT THE GREMLINS KEEP TRYIN' TO HACK MY SHONEY'S SOCCER MEDIA TEAM BECAUSE THEY WANNA KNOW THE SECRETS TO A SUCCESSFUL AMERICAN ALL DAY BREAKFAST BUFFET. THEY AIN'T GONNA GET IT! AND NOW THE…

THE BIG BAD BOOTY DADDY WAS SUPPOSEDTA BE ON THIS LIST, ON ACCOUNT OF HOW I PLEASE ALL MY FREAKS WITH MY PEAKS BUT GLAMMER MAGAZINE SAID MY IN-RING WORK WAS TOO SEXIEST. I SAID WELL IF YOU, IF I'M THE SEXIEST, THEN I SHOULD BE ON THE TOP OF THE LIST! DUMBASS!

HE ALSO LEFT HIS WIFE FOR HIS 25 YEAR YOUNGER ASSISTANT. THINK OF THAT THE NEXT TIME YOU WATCH HIM EAT SUPERMARKEY CHEES YOU REDNECKS.

ITS A LITTLE KNOWN FACT THAT LEONARD COHEN WROTE SEXY BOY FOR THAT SHORT SHIT SHAWN MICKLES.

BILLY COBAIN YOU PEAR SHAPED FUCK. YOU SHOULDA HANDLED DIPSIE CARTON THE WAY I DID BACK WHENNA WORKED FOR TINYEA. AFTER THE SHOW SHE USETA AXE ME, "IS IT TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT BIG PU, BIG POPPA PUMP." I SAY YEAH HO LET ME GET BEHIND AND DO THE BUMP AND GRIND. YOU SEE, SHE USED TO DO IT WITH THAT PILL ATTIC REDNECK…

AND ME, THE GENETIC FREAK!

COCAINE IS VERY BAD FOR YOU. SO ARE STEROIDS. STAY AWAY FROM BOTH, LIKE YOUR BOY BIG POPPA PUMP! ALL OF MY ENERGY COMES FROM THE JOYA FEEL WHEN MY FREAKS GET RECEIVE TOP NOTCH SERVICE AT THE ACWORTH GEORGIA SHONEY'S! HOLLA IF YOU HEAR ME!

BIG POPPA PUMP IS ALL FOR CELEBRATIN' PEOPLE WITH DIFFERENT POLITICAL VIEWS WITHIN RAISINS, BUT TRUMP SUPPORTERS CAN TELL THEIR STORY WALKIN'! GOOD ON PAT DAVIS FOR NOT WANTIN' TO BE A LOSER POTHEAD, BUT PARTA ME WONDERS IF HE TRYIN' TO MAKE HISSELF SOUND MORE LIKE A REAL MAN LIKE THE GENETIC FREAK HIMSELF!

YOU KNOW THEY SAY ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL, BUT YOU LOOK AT ME AND YOU LOOK AT TOM HANKS AND YOU CAN SEE THAT STATEMENT IS NOT TRUE! SEE, NORMALLY, IF YOU GO ONE ON ONE WITH ANOTHER CELEBRITY, YOU GOT A 50/50 CHANCE OF GETTING THE MOST SHARES ON INSTAGRAM. BUT I'M A GENETIC FREAK AND I'M NOT NORMAL! SO YOU GOT A 25%…

MICKEY MACK YOU MAY OR NOT MAY HAVE BEEN IN VIDEOGAME MOVIES, BUT THE GENETIC FREAK'S BEEN IN ACTUAL VIDEOGAMES! FROM PAYSTABLER TO N64, THE BIG BAD BOOTY DADDY'S BEEN DOWNLOGGED INTO CYBERWORLD TO PLEASE HIS FREAKS FROM AROUND THE WORLD. I USED TO PLAY WITH MYSELF! NOW YOU CAN TOO!

SOME GOODWINS OPERATE SIMLAR TO BIG LOTS IN THAT THEY BUY LIQUIDCATION PALS DIRECT FROM RRETAIL STORES LIKE TERGET. ONE NEAR ME HAD SEALED COPIES OF MADDEN 70 THE WEEK IT WAS CAME OUT FOR HALF.

I DIDN'T AS A KID! I'M TRYIN' TO POINT OUT THE ABSURDITY OF HAVIN' TO ONE HUNNET PERCENT UNDERSTAND A COMEDIC REFERENCE TO FIND IT FUNNY! IF THAT WUZ THE CASE, ALL KIDS CARTOONS FROM THE 90S WOULDN'T EXIST! AM DOIN' YOU AN EGG!

WHENEVER LUNA TOONS WOULD HAVE A GUY ON ACTIN' LIKE PETER LORRE I'D SHUT THE TV OFF! I DON'T KNOW THAT GUY! I DON'T NEED THAT SHIT!

MORSEY! YOU DEPRESSED, RACIST REDNECK! LISTEN UP, LOSERS, CUZ I WANNA MAKE ANNOUNCEMENT! CUZ THIS SAD SACK DUNWANNA EAT MEAT, ALL STEAK AT THE ACWORTH SHONEY'S IS BUY ONE GET ONE FREE! STRICTLY FOR MY FREAKS! CUZ I GOT THE HOOK UP!

JACK CHIPS, YOUR COMMA BOOKS DUNT SCARE ME ABOUT HELL BECAUSE HE BECAUSE I KNOW THE REAL HELL IS WHEN SOMEONE GOES TOTA TOE WITH ME IN THE RING AT HALLOWEEN HAVOC! I GOT THE FREAKS AND I GOT THE PEAKS! BIG POPPA PUMP'S YOUR HOOKUP. HOLLA IF YOU HEAR ME!

HAILIN' FROM DUNKIN' DONUTS, FROM THE GREAT STATE OF OBESITY…