THE BIG BAD BOOTY DADDY KNOWS THE KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL GIMMIT ARE LIMITING POSTS TO A FEW TIMES A WEEK. THAT WAY EVERYBODY IS CONFUSSED.

YOU GONNA EAT MY RESTRANT OR WHAT?

I'M THE MAN WITH THE LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD. I'M THE GENNIC FREAK. AND SIZE DOES MATTER. LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY BUSY RUNNIN' AROUND THAT TRAILER PARK OF YOURS WITH SHORT PANTS ON, SO I'M JUST GONNA TELL YOU WHAT'S GOIN' DOWN AT MY RESTRANT. ALL. DAY. BREAKFAST. BUFFET.

WHILE THE INNERNET NERDS WHERE SCREAMIN' IN PAIN, THE BIG BAD BOOTY DADDY WAS MAKIN' ALL THEIR MOMMAS SCREAMIN' MY NAME.

AOL CAN'T STOP SCOTT STEINER FROM PLEASIN' HIS FREAKS A SECOND TIME. HOWEVER, THE SHONEY'S SOCCER MEDIA TEAM CAN'T SAY THE SAME THING! UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE, IF ANY OF YOU UNEDUCATED REDNECKS WANNA KNOW WHAT'S GOING DOWN ATTAMY RESTRANT, YOU'LL HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME!

YOU BURIED GUYS LIKE ME, AGGY STYLES, BUBBA ROO, AND KURBANGLE SO WE HAD TO SEE YOUR SKANK OF A DAUGHTER PARADE AROUND. I KNOW THE CAMERA ADDS TENPOUNDS BUT OMG HOW MANY WERE ON HER HEAD?? WHY DON'T YOU DO US A FAVOR AND GET A SEX CHANGE SO YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO ACCEPT MY SLAM CHALLENGE YOU BALD HEADED LOSER!

AS CHRIS GAMES DISCOVERED LAST MONDAY NIGHT, AND THIS JACKASS FOUND OUT TONIGHT- I HAVEN'T JUST BEEN SITTING AT HOME, EATING CORN CHIPS, AND WASTING AWAY. I'M STILL THE GENETIC FREAK, WITH THE LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD. SO THIS GOES OUT TO ALL MY FREAKS IN WALMART: BIG POPPA PUMP IS YOUR HOOKUP! HOLLA IF YOU HEAR ME!

I ONLY CARE ABOUT TWO THINGS IN THIS WORLD: MY FREAKS, AND MY PEAKS.

HULK HOGAN YOU RACIST PUNK. YOU STILL HAVEN'T ACCEPTED MY SLAM CHALLENGE.

WELL, YOU SEE, I COME FROM A HIGHLY EDUCATED UNIVERSITY SO WHEN I COME OUT TO SPEAK TO THIS WHITE TRASH, I GOTTA DUMB MYSELF DOWN. BUT APPARENTLY THAT WASN'T STUPID ENOUGH FOR NANCY GRATES.

NOW LAST WEEK, I WAS WATCHING TV AND I WATCHED A 70 YEAR OLD MAN COME OUT HERE WITH MORE LOOSE SKIN THAN A SHARPIE PUPPY COME OUT HERE SAYING HE'S STILL THE MAN AND HE CAN GRAB HOOCHIES ON THEIR POOCHIES.

I KNOW YOU LIKE SUGAR BUT I AIN'T GOT NONE.

GIMMIE A FUCKIN' MIC!

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE HERE CUZ THE SHONEY'S SOCCER MEDIA TEAM WANTED ME TO GET ON THE NET AND START KISSIN' BUTT BUT I'LL NEVER KISS BUTT AND I AIN'T NEVER WILL CUZ I AM A MAN. AND BESIDES, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU PEOPLE KNOW ALL ABOUT BREAKFAST BUFFAYS CUZ YER A BUNCH A FAT SUMMA BITCHES. BUT I SEE YOU UNEDUCATED REDNECKS…

ALRIGHT, LEMME DUMB THIS DOWN BECAUSE I KNOW ALL YOU AB CLUB READERS ARE A BUNCHA UNEDUCATED TRAILER TRASH REDNECKS. BALD HEADED LOSER GOLBURT'S COMIN' BACK TO THE WWF-E, AND EVERYBODY KNOWS, WANTS TO KNOW WHY THE DUBBYEE DIDN'T CALL DOWN BIG POPPA PUMP TO MYSTIFY ALL THE FREAKS WITH HIS PEAKS.