I have long theorized that Santa is really the last of the vampires. He gives out gifts so that children will invite him into their homes, he wears red to hide the blood stains, he lives where the sun doesn’t shine for long periods of time and where it’s cold enough to keep his blood supply frozen, and he turns into…

I thought the Janeway Maneuver was her breaking several Prime Directives in the name of coffee.

I’m just going to say this:

My 7th grade math teacher made me stand up in class (I had flunked a test) and shamed me for it in front of the whole class, and finished up by saying if she had a gun, she’d shoot me. If I came upon this woman starving in the street today, I’d curb-stomp her and laugh while I did it. Hope this baby girl is a nicer…

+ mysterious microwave or smaller sized box on the shoulder of I-35 in Dallas that everyone slows down to stare at

Root of all traffic:

I strap down everything except the first aid kit, so that when I collide with a wall like that it conveniently flies directly into the back of my head and I can get right to work patching up any surviving family members. I’ve always been a planner

Not according to the passing article’s top starred comment. I’m supposed to get the fuck out of the way of anyone doing 413MPH behind me, no matter what I’m doing (utilizing the passing lane to pass)! It’s ‘safer’ that way.

Tickling is the worst. I will kick you in throat if you tickle me in bed (sorry honey!)

Stila Stay All Day liquid lipstick in Fiery. Stays on forever, looks perfectly matte, universally flattering color. Plus, Stila liquid lipsticks smell like cupcakes.

Stila Stay All Day liquid lipstick in Fiery. Stays on forever, looks perfectly matte, universally flattering color.…

The thing that bothers me is that her preferred pronunciation is not correct in German. It would be if it were spelled Streissand or Streißand, but it’s not, and I haven’t seen any indication of a change at Ellis Island or anything like that. Her grandparents were from a section of modern Poland that was part of the…

At one old apartment, every time I popped the hood on my car there would be a half eaten bagel on top of the air box. That squirrel must have been pissed when I moved and took his lunch spot away.

The only (although not really) comparable thing that I do recommend every big-ol-boat loving person to do is the USS Constitution in Boston. Never sank, so they didn’t have to raise it, so I guess this is completely tangent to the discussion at hand....not really sure where I’m going with this...

If you’re going to be an ass, I’m going to be a pedant. It’s “bourgeois adult.” Not “bourgeoisie adult.” The Bourgeoisie is a group of people. Bourgeois is the adjective the describes them.

The title should be:

Sweet mother of God, this is some good shit right here.

When I was a lot younger, my father had come to pick me up from University at the end of the term. He had a roof rack (just an ordinary luggage rack) fitted to the car, to which we tied my bike.

Considering the absolutely stifled and controlled way Victoria was raised (she was literally never alone, she wasn’t allowed to go down stairs without holding someone else’s hand, etc.) by a mother and advisor who absolutely were trying to home-grow a puppet they could control once she got to the throne, I choose to…