I read Stephen King’s “The Stand” at least once a year. Seems quite timely nowadays.

Brahmin = Kennedy clan

Mine if Jeff Goldblum. I don’t care how old he gets.

I’m on my first run-through of WW. I’m obsessed. Bartlett forever :(

I’m more curious about what’s wrong with being an amoral whore!

He reminds me of a teenage boy who just discovered Bob Dylan.

Rumor has it the cheerleaders were also part of a pyramid scheme.

That movie was FINE. There, I said it. You can all judge me now :P

I actually kinda like talking to these guys for a few seconds. Mostly they lead with some version of the question “How much do you pay for television service?”. When I tell them that I don’t (I stream everything I watch and use Bing rewards points for Hulu subscription) they get this puzzled look on their face like…

I love hosting. No pressure to socialize because I’m too busy working but I can drink a f-ton while doing it.

I’ve been enjoying Jane Fonda again since I tuned into Grace and Frankie. If you haven’t seen it hop over to Netflix to watch President Bartlett and Jack McCoy (Law and Order) come out as a couple to their wives of decades Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin.

Am I the only one who tells them when they don’t get the job done? My Type A-ness doesn’t allow me to quietly have my time wasted. If you finish and I don’t you best believe you’re hearing about it.

BE SHAMED SIR BRAD, FOR NONE HAVE THE POSTURE NOR STATUS TO QUESTION THE STRENGTH OF THESE FINE HERO MEN, FOR THEIR EFFORTS ARE FOREVER RECORDED AND THEIR COURAGE PROVEN FOR ALL TIME TO COME.

I read way too many of these (up until “foxhead garlands”) before realizing this was satire.

Wife and I went to Macys and did the whole Registry party thing they throw. We gave them a bum email account I use, filled up on their snacks and drinks, scanned a bunch of stuff we knew we were never getting and left with a full stomach. Never told anyone about that registry. Wife and I lived together for several…

Pro tip: Beer freezes. You’re going to want some scotch. Bonus: easier to carry.

I don’t want to Northsplain to you, Anna, but you have to rent a snowmobile. 

I’m just going to say this:

My 7th grade math teacher made me stand up in class (I had flunked a test) and shamed me for it in front of the whole class, and finished up by saying if she had a gun, she’d shoot me. If I came upon this woman starving in the street today, I’d curb-stomp her and laugh while I did it. Hope this baby girl is a nicer…

+ mysterious microwave or smaller sized box on the shoulder of I-35 in Dallas that everyone slows down to stare at