There’s no such thing as ghosts and Lucy is as much a fraud as every tour guide who moved here eight years ago and “fell in love” with this city. 

Oh I’m not going to lay the blame for the piss and shit in these streets solely on the homeless. At least they’ll try and find a bush or dumpster to go behind. The people who come here for a weekend to drink grain alcohol out of plastic fish bowls will just do it on the sidewalk or someone’s doorstep. 

No sorry I live in New Orleans and I’ve already changed shirts once today. 

3 but if you want to count mule shit I’ll give you 4.

Guess how many piles of literal human shit I passed on my way into work this morning. 

Fans of this team will forever mock Falcons fans for their super bowl loss despite the fact that Atlanta is a thriving metropolis and the fastest growing industry in New Orleans is ghost tours. It’s like the neighborhood drunk laughing at you for tripping on your shoelaces while he pisses his pants. 

You were the best thing to happen to Deadspin in years, Greenwell. Your food takes are questionable but your leadership and integrity are not.

Managing expectations for this team is like having a two year old. I know you’re going to shit your pants today but if you can manage to keep most of it in your diaper and off the walls we can call that a success. 

Calm down, Paddy. Go dunk a potato in your whiskey.  

AAAAY THAT WORD HAS A REAL HURTFUL PAST WITH MY PEOPLE!! MARONE!!!

No no no, that’s all a distraction. Pay it no mind. Mayor Pete’s possibly epic clapback to Joe Biden is what’s important!

Yes by no means should we pay attention to the trial that could have implicated dozens of rich and powerful men in a sex trafficking ring straight out of True Detective! John Delaney has some interesting ideas about healthcare savings plans!

Hillary got him. 

Wow. They’re still doing that. 

Well shit. What will the braying mob of incels who haunt the comments on her articles lash out against now?

Sadly his status as Commenter of the Year 2012 would present a conflict of interest. 

“I know they actually listen to fucking Meghan McCain”

“Some of them will listen to criticism from fellow conservatives.”

Sorry I’m a day late with this but Drew Brees could absolutely dunk a basketball.

Just rebrand it as “The War on Climate Change” and frame it as liberating third world nations from oppressive totalitarian sea levels. Americans love that shit and will throw any amount of money at it.