You know what? I love the balls on Cara Sloane to tell a BCO story about her own fuck-up. Just about every one of these is told from the waiter’s point of view, so I am always curious as to how customers would tell one of these (and what the exact hell was goin on in their cerebellums)...

Yeah, well the jerk store called...

Let’s go LIVE to Skip Bayless for a reaction!

Recently, Albert, your stuff has been especially great. Whether it’s your insightful review of Jonathan Franzen or that lovely takedown you did of Kim Davis, you’ve made me stop and think. This tribute to the Dodgers, for instance, has me thinking about unfollowing Albert Burneko.

I hear NFL players are fabulous drivers.

Because you’re the type of guy who thought Jek Porkins was going to make it through the assault on the Death Star.

Every time I see that GIF I think “wow...and there’s a woman in this world who let that guy fuck her without a condom on purpose no less than three times” and it gives me hope for a brighter world for every man.

Since they are in Boston, 30% of the Red Sox fanbase are pretentious academics who believe rooting for their local team is some sort of intellectual exercise that all smart people must agree with because of some convoluted argument. “You MUST support the Red Sox! They are the perfect embodiment of Baseball! Blah,…

As a Cubs fan I of course want them to win. But more than anything, please please please don’t let the Cardinals win.

As a life long Cubs fan and current Wrigleyville resident, I am more prepared for the crippling depression to sink in on Oct 8th than I am to celebrate and move on to face the Cardinals. Even after telling myself in April that this was not the year.

ASU SORORITY GIRL: Okay, girls! Say “Cheese!” on three!

Ironically, the head of his penis is shaped like George Clooney’s hair.

Flake might be the most aggressively fiscally conservative Senator on the Hill. For the past 2-3 years he’s been doing a March Madness bracket for the most wasteful government spending programs, and his comms team is always looking for other ways to make fun of ridiculous programs.

I’m sure, as a Republican politican, Jeff Flake has also been an asshole at some point about something...but god damn, he deserves praise on calling out this waste of money.

it shouldnt matter. with draft kings, its like a new season every week. enter promo code: deathhurricane and we’ll match your first deposit up to $200. play today!

tbh surprised that his campaign still has ducats to keep going.

House GOP: [elects Matt Williams Speaker]

And the way he’s off the ground as he throws sometimes is pretty cool. Think he learned that from old man Favre. So glad I got to watch him (Favre) play in Green Bay wearing Green one last time. Man broke my heart when he moved to the Vikes but Aaron swooped in and mended it.

Aw, geez, that’s nice. In all sincerity, I hope you tell her that.