"But how many times in the real world has a single small object controlled the fates of millions?"

I hate how software developers vilify the US patenting process for discouraging innovation. Namco came up with a great idea and, like any invention, deserves protection for it. In fact, this patent should have encouraged further innovation by thinking of ways around the patented subject matter.

Can we please shut down the bridges when this buffoon tries to ride his bandwagon back into New Jersey?

Dance like nobody's watching! ....I guess in a post-apocalyptic world, you really don't have much of a choice.

Don't run! We are your friends!

Or Bud Light Lime-AHHH-Rita?!

What good is a juvenile horse if you can't put your load in his back?

Rikk Wilde? What are you, a DJ or something?

By now, he really should just invest in those novelty glasses to give the appearance he's awake:

.

I think his one-line joke is on life support. If only there was something we could use to revive it...

I can see through time!

What button is go-for-intercep... AW SHIT!

This one stood out the most for me during a very unscientific study I conducted last season on about a dozen pumpkin beers.

At first they were just going to increase his "Hit Power" and drastically decrease his "Elusiveness."

In a related sports story, today the NFL has clarified its stance on observed collisions between a player's fist and a woman's face.

And for some reason, Kotaku keeps posting them every other month or so. I call shenanigans - there must be some friendly or professional relationship with this artist.

This guy will do anything for a case of crabs.

I have to go now, my planet needs me.

"With college football kicking off tonight, SEC fans bragging about their championships and Big Ten fans boasting about their academics will only get more obnoxious."