I feel like the automatic door. Trying to do my job but obstructed by some oblivious unmoving hairy beast.

Niagara Falls! Slowwwly I turned...

I know it is just the sound of the rotors whirling but to me they sound like they are singing this:

I'm just asking ... how can a collision with a 5'10" CB take down a 6'4" receiver who was drafted explicitly to take hits like that? And, how did the first responding teammates get there so quickly, almost before the play was completed? I mean, I'm not saying I know for sure ... but, if the world demonizes the…

He tried to audible.

"I'm Rob Lowe and I have DirecTV"

This may be a wide margin the single dumbest decision I have ever seen a head coach make in professional football. And yes, I am including Joe Gibbs and the second try at icing a kicker, or Rex Ryan's clock management, or every decision Marty Mornhinweg has ever made. Carroll's stupid ass just trumped them all. He did…

Are you insane? You wanna pass, fine... I LITERALLY can't think of a more dangerous throw to make than that one. Throw a fade, throw a corner, throw to the back of the endzone... literally, ANYTHING else

.... What the actual fuck was that video? I got far enough in to see someone wearing a mink coat abuse Auto-Tune to an inch of its life say, somehow without irony, "money can't buy you class," and my brain dribbled out of my ear and made it about 50 feet outside before rabid wolves tracked it down and ate it.

I'm requesting royalties for every time you referenced my icon's name or image in this article. You now owe me 24,973 Cage heads.

For you: http://raysgothicdance.ytmnd.com/

Don't worry- I think this is still the worst goth ever:

now bring this back.

Close. My hair's shorter at the moment, but other than that—yeah, Merida's my spirit animal. My husband says Disney owes me hair royalties. =D

I've spent a lot of time as a human person on this planet filling my brain with things like information, paintings, poems, literature, wisdom, kindness, empathy, films, conversations, recipes, music, dance moves, science. All for nothing.