You mean, Blue Oyster Cult wrote a hymn?!

It’s an important distinction! I could overlook someone’s love of the Cowboys (barely), but if she worshipped the Bon Jovi catalog (or [shudder] Foreigner), I’m kicking that nightmare to the curb.

Noooooooooo.

That would be the easiest morning after ever.

You have clearly never heard of Masonite siding. Very popular in the South during the 1980s and 1990s. Until homeowners realized their homes were sheathed in what was nothing more than highly compressed cardboard.

“Oh, it’s your house, and boo and shit? Nice choice of sewer pipes, asshole. Fix this shit or fuck you and your floating severed head. If you wanna scare my ass, show me the large checks I’ll be writing cuz you didn’t know shit ran downhill in 1904!”

Actually, he’s half Jewish, half Catholic.

Yep. A lot of it has to do with the collapse of the steel industry decades ago. The towns surrounding Pittsburgh never bothered to modernize or diversify their economies, relying on Big Steel to carry the load.

Oh yeah. The wife has an Asian high-school friend from Houston, and damn if her dad didn’t sound just like H. Ross Perot.

I was going to send off a quick Baylor joke, but I found a shred of decency somewhere. Sorry.

Yep. Dude deserves respect, even from residents of Seattle.

Could you please conduct the Great Chapel Hill Airlift first?

I’ll sound like an old here, but if you can, get the DVDs from Netflix. They have alternative intros by The Log Lady for each episode. I think they were only aired originally in Europe.

Fine. I’ll mention Goebbels instead.

Add some rape allegations, and Falwell spouting that it’s all fake news.

Forgive my ignorance, but what’s the song? I can’t make it out.

It’s more than just can-do spirit, my friend. Vandergrifters are fiercely independent and committed to the American Way of Life™. Anyone should have the opportunity to make his way in the world, especially in their fair burg. Citizens of Vandergrift cherish the right to sit freely on the sofa in one’s trailer, feet on…

They know how it looks, and they don’t give a shit. They do it to show that they can.

Feeling your pain. We had a Catholic priest/physicist who rambled - just rambled - for 90 minutes. Nobody knew what the hell he was talking about. After a while, the guy was just flat out ignored.

It was a great place to grow up, I’m tellin’ ya. We would play “Indiana Jones” when I was a kid. We’d go out to the abandoned foundry by the south side of town, find a big ol’ round two-ton blob of coal slag at the top of the hill overlookin’ the river. Tag some kid to be Indy, make him go to the bottom of the hill,…