You forgot the part about how you are so beautiful that the local children called you Fromage Face.

Zambillion Little Pieces.

If those insufferable limey pricks didn’t want people speaking their precious language incorrectly, then they shouldn’t have spent hundreds of years spreading it by the sword to every corner of the globe.

Totally off topic, but I think this case would make an excellent basis for the next season of the Serial podcast. I'd love to hear Sarah Koenig dig into the nuances of this s case!

This is not a bad thing. (Alleged) villains do not always look the role, and we often instinctively judge more attractive persons as having a higher integrity of character. Sometimes it is important that our assumptions be consciously shaken to even understand they exist.

Or she wants to do this:

Demi! A willing and open partner is your body’s Burger King. So for the love of god, have it your way before you explode!

Short form of this wisdom, as my 4th-grade teacher wrote in big block capitals on the chalkboard, when first introducing us to Creative Writing: “SHOW, DON’T TELL”.

Related, I think we WILL be walking through metal detectors for most public gatherings soon: movies, clubs, big box stores. We’re already doing it for big sporting events and concerts. Not sure how I feel about that.

I walked by a bunch of young aggressive ladies wearing t shirts that read

According to many a lawyer-adjacent commenter here: it’s just a tactic, GAWD. WHY GET SO UPSET BY HOW THE LAW WORKS! GAWD.

Headquartered in Plano, TX, Cinemark Holdings, Inc. is a leader in the motion picture exhibition industry with 516 theatres and 5,840 screens in the U.S. and Latin America as of March 31, 2016.

It’s opposite writing. Great writing tells you what happens and lets you infer how people feel. These examples tell you exactly how you should feel and forces you to guess what happened. The writers know they’re only supposed to do one of the two things but they keep guessing incorrectly.

Yorktown University is unaccredited. If you send your daughter there, she’ll hate you for making her work for a useless degree and you’ll still owe tens of thousands for the privilege. ETA: can’t find it on the internet - did it close?

My dad was a fairly conservative minister. I remember the look on his face when I explained what purity rings and purity balls were, because they were trending at the time in our community. He didn't know they were a thing. He told me, "That's a personal choice of yours. It has nothing to do with me. You are my…

Yes, creepy in the same way as a hummingbird’s heart rate is brisk.

I keep forgetting purity balls are not some weird sex device but a creepy father-daughter dance where he pledges to protect her virtue.

I went to a women’s college and can 100% confirm lesbianism conversion courses.

“Your daughter will reject the religious and moral codes you raised her with,” a press release for the lecture warned. “Your daughter will distance herself from family and friends. Your daughter will change her appearance, and may even change her sexual orientation. Your daughter will end up hating you (her father)…

Welcome to Congressional Cacophony, a new feature on The Slot about House and Senate races that really, really matter.