It's your fault you're a dick, tho.

My best friend bought me a pair of sky-blue corduroy bell bottoms with Shaun Cassidy's face on them when I was a tween. I was a David fan, but those were the very best pants. I held onto them for years, planning to frame them. I don't know what happened but they're gone and I want them back.

I also don't know what you're asking for help with, but I want to tell you that you raising those kids MATTERS. You are making a difference in the current and future world, and they are our absolute best shot at changing things for the better. Give them strong, powerful messages about equality and social justice, and…

This instead of 17 months of puerile fighting and bickering over ridiculous things while the lawyers racked up the billable hours? Yes please. Also, red wine and chocolate. Mmmmm.

Well I made a girl-human too. She's 11 and a complete badass. Yesterday she told off three high school boys for using the word, "faggot." She shamed them and flounced away.

I think you might be right about that.

I did this with my son, who is now 26 and is an avowed feminist. He's just the most awesome person. He tells me all about what dudes say when there aren't any women around; he lets them talk and talk and then goes in for the take-down.

I'm not judging, I'm just bored.

I Rihlly hope this whole DiCraprio thing comes to an end soon. I'm bored with his sad midlife crisis.

Please thank her from me, an anonymous internet commenter who deeply appreciates her work.

And they always, always sound like college students bullshitting on a termpaper. Huge words and unnecessarily complex (often incorrect) syntax and it all amounts to a small fart noise in the vastness of the universe.

I am so that apple today.

I read further down, and he also mansplained the purpose of makeup to us. Super helpful!

What are you on about, exactly?

Holy reading comprehension fail. I totally thought you meant the kid had lost his actual leg (like from getting gangrene from the zipper or something, idk) and his dad made him wear the zipped-off pants to school to show that he had lost his leg. I think I need more coffee.

Hurtful words coming from an authority figure (like a parent) can cause a lot of damage. "Strong sense of self" my ass. These are kids.

I'd use this. I'm on OKCupid mostly to share the unreal messages with my friends and laugh, but I once got a message from a (non-traditional college) student saying, "I dropped your class so now we can date."

The sentence also makes it sound like she was forced to show her genitals to a bloody pad as well as the guard.

THE PANTIES AREN'T ACTUALLY DOING THE CREAMING! Sorry, I want to give you a chance because you're new, but I really hope you can do better than this. Plus, the extra icky element of sexualizing this person who has explicitly said that that type of sexualization was very damaging to him? Ugh.

That was...a way more diplomatic answer than I would have been capable of giving.