You're not?

Um...that you're awesome?

You're not?

Great idea! I can wear my Satan Slacks all the damn time. You are a true genius!

I mean, what if this lady's husband happens to drop by and I'm wearing these pants? It will be SO HARD for him to pretend not to look at my fine behind.

Whelp, I was going to hang out in my sexy sexy sex pants (stained in not one, but two places with Nutella) and watch season two of The Fall while my daughter is at a sleepover, but I guess I'd better change. Perhaps I can find some non-lustful dungarees somewhere. I mean, it's just me and the dogs here, but you never…

IT WAS THE BEST THING! My son and I do the awkward eye contact while reaching for a water bottle thing just for laughs. Works every time.

There is literally nothing else to say.

Transcribing for my 11-year-old. Here goes, word for word: Okay, the magcon boys are basically a group of people who make stupid videos on an app that other girls my age OCCASIONALLY use. Fist we have the Griers. They're two brothers, Hayse and Nash (I tried to type that gnash, but she corrected me) okay, okay, um...…

I ship it.

The answer, clearly, is to ban men from drinking any alcohol. They can't be trusted when they're drunk, they've proven it over and over. It's for their own protection, really. So they don't stumble into an unintentional gang rape.

Everyone from Nebraska knows that West Shitheel is where it's at.

I think it's both homophobia and fear of losing perceived power.

I've asked this question of men before, too, and not one has ever said yes, they'd like to know how it feels. And then I ask them to put their finger in their ear and scratch a little, and ask which felt better, the finger or the ear. They still don't change their mind about being penetrated, though.

Not to mention making a spectacle at the funerals of the officers they were supposed to be there to honor. Talk about disrespect.

Exactly! He gave precisely the advice that police give to citizens all the time.

I just can't with this. You know what's disrespectful? Turning your fucking back on the Mayor of New York because you're upset that he, what? Talked about having to protect his son from police violence? Fuck right off with your jeansgate.

I went on my first date in 20 years (I had been married for 13 of those, then in a bad relationship with someone I worked with, then single for the last four years) with a guy I met on OKC. I didn't date at all, and really only signed up to share awful messages with some Tumblr friends. Anyway, we had tons in common,…

My brother's partner is younger than my son. My bro is 49 and his partner is 22. They keep getting progressively younger, and I'm not really sure what's behind it. It is totally none of my business, but it makes me wonder if it's indicative of some sort of emotional problem.

Oh, man. They ALWAYS only know Wish you were here or Brown eyed girl. Fucking learn some Bowie or something, dudebros.