Gosh, that’s me telt! I’ll just go weep in the corner whilst Hercules over here showers you all with his milky soy-bean goodness! *sobs!*

The word is habit. Or doesn’t your computer have a spellcheck function?

Hey, sugar, why don’t you actually provide sources to back up your “facts”. You’re nothing more than a snake-oil salesman telling all and sundry that all will be made better by chowing down on an artichoke. Are you a dietician? Do you have a medical degree? Do you have a science background apart from what you’ve read…

Oh, numpty-baws, you are idiotic.

I know you’re soulless and all that jazz, yahdy yah, but don’t worry - I’ve got the sun on my side and it will smite thee back to the shadows where you belong, foul temptress of the fiery locks! *advances, with UV light*

Oh honey, you do lie. You’re lying to us and you’re lying to yourself. You’re a rich Western frat dude living in a country where hunger doesn’t really exist and you are afforded the choice of whatever crappy diet you choose to follow. Don’t bother lecturing me - I haven’t got the time or patience for something like…

Oh honey, you’re as about as concise as a poorly translated porn magazine. I’ll ask you again, Gary-Stu of the Vegan Stink - how many pounds have you pressed, bruh? You’re an amusing pack of lies and contradictions.

But she’s so good at it as well. Sort of like Roslin and the “Airlock! Now!” thing. “You! You displease me! Fiery death! Now!

Oh, let’s just napalm the fuckers. Without their clothing, they should be able to run really fast from the oncoming firestorm... GET IN THE SEA WITH YOU.

I’m sorry, I’m trying to understand what you’re saying, but all I keep hearing is “pseudo-intellectual Gary-Stu arse-isms based on fad science and zero credible fact”. Tell us again - how many pounds do you lift and how glossy and raven is your hair and do your eyes flash like a distressed flashlight when you’re…

Wow, you’re so full of shite that my toilet’s asking for tips on how you manage to concoct such piss-laden tripe with a straight face.

And what, pray tell, do you propose to do with the surplus stock - you know, the cattle that already exists? Euthanise herds? That’s the one argument I’ve never heard explained satisfactorily with vegans. But I tell you what -I’ll buy your argument as long as you agree to shoot a calf in the head with a bolt gun.

*wibble*

What a pity that we won’t get the BDSM Rita that I read on a fan fiction site once (and bleached my eyeballs as thoroughly as Kim Kartrashian does her arsehole) in which Tommy was actually living with Rita as her live-in sex toy and spent most of his time with her staff up his arse, buzzing with indescribable pleasure…

The ones in Falkirk are gigantic compared to these two. They’re also quite beautiful to look at when the suns rising or at sunset before they turn on the floodlights. That blue mustang thing from Denver’s just...offensive.

They thought about doing that, but Maggie Thatcher isn’t a popular topic north of Carlisle...

Yeah, you clearly don’t know what Iain Banks’ life was before he became successful but I’ll allow you some modicum of dignity with your grandstanding, hand-waving, speechifying barrel o’ shite there.

It’s funny that someone like Iain Banks could come out with book after book after book and still find time to be utterly original, isn’t it? Compare The Player of Games to Whit to Surface Detail to The Business to Consider Phlebas - the science fiction books are all set in the same universe but all follow…

I say the same thing about Shannara. And, oh look, yet-another-trilogy to try and get your attention. When will publishers realise that stand-alone books work just as well as lengthy crappy “Universe” stories? At least do a Banks and explore different stories in the same universe, for christ’s sake.

My God, Gattaca. I once made my mate’s younger brother watch that as a way to show him what good science fiction looks like and he only said “cool film, but there’s no action”. I wish there were more Gattaca-esque films out there rather than Matrix-style films. Remember when science fiction used to be intelligent?!