“Dad, can you flip her over? I’d rather have a puppy!”

Tribal marks on the backseat.   I thought that was only women that got drunk and made that mistake.

Oh she also doesnt like to drive at night, or in the rain, or fog, or cloudy. We tend to drive “Ms. Daisy” everywhere

It’s his own fault. If he lived in the US, he wouldn’t have had health insurance so he couldn’t have had surgery. Problem solved.

My cat brought a chipmunk into the house and it got away and hid in the bathroom. My wife was too scared to do anything about it so she just shut the bathroom door and left the house. By the time I got there two days later the poor fucker had drowned in the shitter, probably dying of thirst, then dying of not-thirst.

*Huey Louis intensifies*

Back in 2012, I went to a self service junkyard with my dad. On the lot was a Pontiac Aztek. I then made the comment “even in the junkyard, it’s still an eyesore.” 

My wife got one for a Kia she no longer had, and the giant headline on the mailer was a little scary at first since it said (in big bold letters):

Someone’s new here!

Rob, you’ve outdone yourself

You are incorrect.

Air BNB.

He misspelled the price, too.

♫ GET INTO MY CAR ♫

I think Torchy got into Elon’s medicine cabinet. 

It’s Okay Not to Have a Lot of Close Friends

715 horsepower jackhammer under the hood ...13.2-inch pizzas in the back squeezed by four-piston calipers.

The engine reportedly stopped running when the oil turned back into a dinosaur and ran away.