When I see a man drinking bourbon, I think—did this dude steal my bourbon?

Nope. I refuse to support any marketing campaign that simultaneously shames women for sexual things by telling them they need to hide their condoms while also feeding into the "let's just give them women something cute to put it in! that's what ladies want!"

Based on her comments, I would very much enjoy seeing Kim Kardashian without eyebrows.

So tell me, seeing as the man in the first video (the one freaked out by body hair) seems to be hairless himself, does that make him a woman?

No yoga today. Just checked my pits ...

I'M A DUDE! Does this mean I get a 24% raise for the afternoon? Because this could be a regular thing. It's really not a problem.

" He says they "graciously reached out and re-educated" him, which is PR spin for "schooled a fool."

That's supposed to be egg on the Monster Biscuit? Looks like a folded up Sham-wow.

Oh, I feel you. I'm a graphic designer, and I also do oil painting. It's really frustrating when people have very passionate and incorrect beliefs about what colors are.

Women who participate in hook up culture actually just really enjoy attaching monitors to computers, speakers to home theaters, trailers to hitches, pumps to filters.

Did you know that if you bury your tampon under a rosebush, an exact copy of you is born under that bush by the next full moon? Magical Menstruation Facts

Or his wife has a baby and he irresponsibly chooses to stay home for two weeks and his team suffers for it.

I was 18 once. It was fun to drink with other 18 year olds.

I was 21 once. It was fun to drink with other 21 year olds.

Now? Now, I'm 30. And I prefer to black out with people my own age. Because we have jobs. And can afford bail.

This from Wikipedia:

Aw, Young Fella, you're gonna make a wonderfully disappointing husband and father some day.

You're totally correct. New babies only exist for about 4 hours a day when they're first born.

They look the same going in as they do coming out.

Sullivan's final wish is to be buried in a convoluted plot.

CKE paid Andy Pudzer $4,485,055 in 2012. That's a shitload of sense of accomplishment.

Who could sleep at a time like this?? I'll never forget where I was during the Butt Hack of '14.