"Witness a man being born again as a huge stray rock"

Works like a charm.

I woulda tried to pick her up and emailed the photo back to her as-is.

Is that Moolissa??

"Over a Pond"

Just hang your ass over the railing and let loose!

You're beating it too hard if your jizz is all foamy like that.

.

Watch something appear where nothing once was!

Great, now everyone is going to think I'm crazy when I run around at my next interview and throw away all the cups in the entire office.

"Why the hell did you call me? Oh...BATman. Got it"

Ah, relief - is that what the kids are calling it now?

IT AIN'T THE DRESS!

I like this guy's nonchalant attitude - just helped out cause it felt right.

Yeah, that's fine and all. But how in the hell am I supposed to see bikini pictures of my friend's friend, sister, sister's friend, etc????

Exactly. By the time we're 70, it will be "X number of weeks driving a flying car."

Start being grumpy? I'm desperately hoping to be one of those blissfully old people who are constantly in awe of (still) being alive. I'm waiting to stop being grumpy.