My wrists are extremely supple.

Just popping by to remind everyone that brevity is the soul of wit. Carry on!

It's also a roll-on deodorant.

That was pretty good when it aired the first time, but I felt like I wanted to watch it again an hour later.

¿How about a West Coast primer tambien?

“Are you going to finish that?” —Marco Rubio

Wow how thirsty are those class reunions. There’s some content I’d consume.

An old chef I used to work for would say after giving instruction or admonishment: ¿Tu mi entiendes, Mendez? ¿O te explico, Frederico?

Sox fan you say.

If he hangs it up now, maybe he'll keep his marbles.

Wow Gibson was pushing 60 when that child was born. That's some old ass essence to bestow; is she ok?

You still have an access card? Someone fucked up. Where is Ken Layne?

Does he have an American butler? Because I think the world is ready for English Batman.

You should just call him Mike, Megan.

I normally don’t say this to fellow Americans but, you were just born in the wrong country.

I have zero outrage over any of this, believe me. And you still don’t grasp the aspect of the rhetorical, and you have fucking harrible impulse control. Which is hilarious.

Because mah jong tiles are a poor stand in and really lack that freedomy oomph the smell of cordite brings.

Love this line of questioning because true to form, you already know the defendant’s answer.

Welp- that settles it: act of god then

“You” don’t know what a “rhetorical” question is, do you.