Tom Scocca is 45.

Using Trump tweets as a style guide- sad!

As I get older, the idea of giving up birthdays sounds appealing to me too

Meanwhile, the crowd is now yelling in steady loud unison “We Like Mike!” louder than any Trump chant at Pence as they realize who will soberly keep a steady hand on their terrible tiller, should Clinton snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory.

Well, you shouldn’t because the word you’re looking for is “commenter”, Marv Albert.

Why is it too nuanced for you? Good question; I’m guessing it’s because your parents were stupid, too.

At any job site that’s not a museum, it should at least be considered for removal. Too nuanced for you?

Do whatever you want after November 8th.

That’s great- lemme get a Whopper, extra pickles and a chocolate shake. And no, I don’t want fries with that.

Feel stupid yet? You should.

Scott Baio, just an American guy from Brooklyn, could come up with more policy initiatives on the back of a napkin while in church.

What else are they going to do? Talk about Trump’s “accomplishments” or “leadership”?

Keyser Söze had more familial loyalty.

I wasn’t pulling for Bernie this time around, but he did try to flip the tables of the money changers.

There was a good guy with a liscenced open carry 2x4?

Really pulling for this team, even despite the white guy with dreads.

Christ, what an asshole.

Eagerly awaiting the already stale Pokemon send ups waiting in the wings. Even that might be too much credit given.

Yes, but the resolution! We’ve only seen how the (wo)man got up the tree.

“I mean, even ISIS has official leaders amirite”