When the Beavers needed him to score, he scored.

Scully: Look at that kid out there in right field. He seems to really be enjoying himself. Look how much fun he's having playing. Is there anything more innocent and heartwarming than that?

I agree with this guy. I'd rather play dead than take part in the possification of America.

If he's so against the pussification of America, what's he doing in the box seats?

Your mom is, though.

Cereals, Ranked APPROPRIATELY

Sometimes when you work on something so very much, muscle memory just takes over. That's my explanation for why she fell.

A striker falling flat on the face while approaching a ball sitting up on a tee is called a "Gervinho."

Give Danica a break. That was the first time she ever saw someone in her rearview mirror.

Ironically, Darren Sharper ordered his rape victims to "Hold my diiiiick!"

I was at the Tournament Player's Championship in 2003, I think it was. I had been over served and was sitting drunkenly on the grass hill overlooking the island green on #17. Tom Lehman's group came to the tee. I had alway had a strong anti-Lehman bias because of he was one of the pioneers of the PGA "God Squad." …

LeBron: Either dunk or get off the pot.

Specifically, Kennedy didn't care for the part where she leaned back and to the left.

This was a great match. It's a shame that Germany didn't have the stones to pull off the upset.

"I'm not racist! I was quoting Marcus Garvey!" —Jeff Orr

Drew Magary. The Jay Leno of Deadspin.

Fuck yo memories.

— chief among them...

If I ever have a daughter, you're damn right I'm keeping her away from Janikowski.