There may be an area in this country where there are more billboards telling you you’re going to Hell, but if there is, I haven’t found it yet.

Additionally, The Mail reports that the women Jackson was seen with are his private dancers and don’t have sex with him. Their only job, allegedly, is to dance for Jackson to “soothe his notoriously explosive temperament,” but this is The Mail, so take that with a grain of salt.

Fun Fact #1: Meeting Mike Warnke inspired me to attend a Baptist seminary.

Is it really time for another go-round of Satanic Panic? What’s Mike Warnke doing these days?

Sadly, two rebel brains still don’t add up to one.

Why aren’t there any dice in that bag?

Boil, boil,

The headline doesn’t say “Useless”; it says “Dumbest”. He’s my Best Boy, but he’s not that bright.

This guy, usually:

Watching Peter Cetera sing just reminds me of John Sessions’ impersonantion of Alan Rickman...

Why block out the Twitter handles, ABC? Surely these Internet tough guys aren’t afraid of having to own their horseshit.

How It Works:

“In any dispute the intensity of feeling is inversely proportional to the value of the issues at stake.”

Sixty million dollars later, I’m sure those Scouts feel really protected.

Worst part about Sonic is that they make it hard to tip. Bring cash.