You refer to your dad by his last name? Although come to think of it, I suppose Frank Oz would be your dad, which would make Jim Henson your...uncle, I guess? But then again, in a way Frank Oz is also you...man, this is confusing as hell.

Anyone who can go into that bathroom and not come out dressed as a mummy has way more willpower than I do.

This is pretty low-end, but a clock. My then girlfriend, now wife and I had just moved in together, and needed stuff on our walls (as well as a way to tell time, since this was the early aughts and neither of us had cell phones yet). So we went to Target and bought a clock for like ten bucks. It was the first…

After Badlands came out, Mrs. Gorilla politely requested that I stop playing “A Hundred Highways” so much. Then she asked less politely. Then she threatened me, at which point I started listening with headphones.

I’m completely the opposite, to a degree that’s honestly probably a bit pathological. I have a really hard time ordering something twice unless I’ve already tried everything else. Like, okay, your pad thai is incredible, but what if your mussaman curry is even better, and I never know it because I keep ordering the…

I’d go to the movies more if I could be reasonably sure there wouldn’t be people around me talking or using their phones. I realize I could ask them to knock it the hell off, but as someone who reallllly dislikes conflict that’s easier said than done (and besides, I kinda feel like if I’m paying you $12+ for a ticket,…

This is something I’ll almost certainly never use, and also something I’m very glad is being done.

This is also bad for the club I started for admirers of Ang Lee, the Woot! Ang Clan.

...No, you’re crying.

Look, I’m not trying to judge or anything, but it seems to me that there are better things to name your football league after than Kanye and Kim’s offspring.

I love watching speedrunning videos on YouTube. A well-executed speedrun is enormously satisfying to see, and I have a lot of admiration and respect for speedrunners. I also know that if I ever tried to do it myself, my short attention span and lack of patience would cause me to ragequit in about 45 seconds.

Tiny Benedictine University is located in Atchison, Kansas, which was named after David Rice Atchison, himself the subject of a previous Wiki Worm...wait, why is everyone walking away?

Yeah, but how am I supposed to impress attractive doctors if I don’t have a fancy-pants cell phones?

Pfft, she didn’t have that harrowing of a journey. Trying to get my Disqus account linked to Kinja, now that’s harrowing. Frankly, my ordeal makes what she went through seem like a trip to the cupcake factory.*




*This is possibly a slight overstatement.

Now now, there's no need to be snippy.

Sponsored by Hormel White Label bacon.

"Where the Wild Things Are" was originally "Where the Wild Horses Are", until Maurice Sendak discovered that he couldn't draw horses. It's one of those happy accidents of history.

"The three ships he served on have to have the three best names in Her Majesty’s navy: HMS Warspite, HMS Inconstant, and HMS Harlequin." The HMS Cockchafer would like a word.

I go through a lot of bananas, I need to save money where I can.

It's that guy that mom complains about.