I think the real question is, why am I far more likely to have someone ram their cart into the back of my legs at Trader Joe's than at any other grocery store?

It's like the Puma and Adidas of cheap groceries.

Put some Popeyes’ Smok’n Pepper Jam Sauce on it.

As the type of person who comments on pop culture websites, I tend to think that everyone watches shows like The Americans, because otherwise why would they get talked about so much? But of course, that's not the case. It's kind of strange to think that even a highly rated show in 2017 probably wouldn't have cracked…

Whoa, hey, I'll have you know I wasn't nerdy and insecure around girls as a teenager. I was nerdy and insecure around boys and girls.

I got the feeling (though obviously I could be completely wrong) that the ongoing hyperviolence was meant to function as a kind of rake joke: a little funny, then not funny anymore, and then shifting back to funny as it just keeps going. Only, y'know, a thousand times more violent than someone getting a rake to the…

Hey, wait a minute, hold on here! This skyscraper wasn't double bolted!

"I took this job because the ad said they needed 600 men and 6,000 screws. But then it turned out they just wanted us to raise a bunch of buildings!"

Hey, you can't get cholera if you're dead from a massive coronary.

The Human Momipede.

No indeed. However, I'd be fine with severe daily beatings.

Of course, the hat was actually a white hood.

@midnight awarded me points on Twitter once. So one day, when I'm on my death bed, looking back over the course of my life, I'll at least have that.

I'm surprised that he's upset about this, and yet he's cool with the French Diplo sandwich.

So John Popper was the only one who ordered anything? HEY-OH!

Crap, so it is. Let's just pay attention to the first part of what I said, then.

I actually think Meseeks and Destroy is a (relatively) uplifting episode. Yes, there's the almost rape, but Rick comes through for Morty in a more direct way than he usually does. Plus, the "nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's gonna die, come watch TV" speech can be read as accepting all the…

The idea that the universe might be watching me poop is not a fun fact.

That's an obscure Batman villain this article missed: The Pizza Humper.

What do you get when you combine birthday cakes, eggs, clocks, hats, hypnotism, gorillas, blimps, and calculators? A lifetime ban from Chuck E. Cheese's, for one thing.