Personally, I would like to see the owners succeed in PREVENTING THE PLAYING OF ACTUAL NFL GAMES to spite NFL fans. I have to take my sick pleasure in the misery of people whom I actually know.

And all this time I thought the Taliban supported breast mutilation because they're a bunch of medieval ass-backward religious nutbags.

The shameful part of this is that Hopkins gave Jason Whitlock an opportunity to be relevant again.

Fun fact: The Russian Orthodox Church has a patron saint of bad ideas.

For real? We all have good days and bad days. I've dropped some turds and hit a few out of the park. Not every turd gets called out and not every home run gets complimented. Getting worked up over it serves no purpose but to remind me of CPSL.

Gary Is Gone

He's no more promoting that idea than Swift was promoting the idea of consuming Irish babies.

Humor is never universal. One person's idea of funny is Louis CK, another person's is Bob Saget. Clearly Jay Leno has his fans for a humor many dislike, while Lisa Lampanelli has a following for a brand of humor that I don't find funny. That doesn't mean these people don't tell jokes. It means not everyone likes…

"What the fuck. Swofford and Slive begged us. They begged us to take Utah saying that the complaints would go away. Goddamit."

We have found ways to express our joy at sporting events that do not involve your erogenous zones,

WELCOME BACK LOSER

Let's check his pulse this time.

This one is sketchy at best for inclusion. Assuming his boasting is not outright lying, he:

Tinfoil haters have something to soak and scrub after dinner because they refuse to make cleanup a cinch.

All evidence was discarded from the time when a recruit dropped a deuce in the team's locker room.

Blu'y 'ell! He don' go rounin' roun to re ro!

Nobody has a bigger grudge against The Green Man than Balthamel.

Good piece Tommy. Hopefully this won't hold up that offer to write for ProFootballTalk.

Can two weeks at home, with sensitivity training, really fix a fundamental misunderstanding of what the national pastime's all about?