Assuming that you're not a porn actor yourself, any porn star chick you date will describe you to her friends as her "Worst.Lay.Ever."

@MsAvignon: Yeah, that 2nd one was impressive. They really kicked the shit* out of an 8-3 Stanford team that wasn't ranked until they beat a 5-7 ND team in the last game of the season. Did I mention San Jose St. beat them that year?

@Steve Grogan Bud Bowl MVP: Tony is waiting for her to be able to order something, anything, from a Chinese menu before he takes this relationship to the next level.

I didn't realize that they make a black Wiffle®Ball bat. My first thought was that he meant a yellow one with lots of electrical tape wrapped around it.

Don't join Jezebel's Facebook page expecting to have sex with one of their readers.

Psst... Phintastic is likely on to something:

Should have been you Lady...

Hi Jezzies. If you enjoyed this Deadspin post, you may find this one even more interesting:

Okay Tommy, we've indulged you for a month now. Care to share why this is "personal?"

The final incident came in the top of the ninth, when Braves reliever Donnie Moore hit Craig Nettles.

"Stop saying the word 'negro'!" she yelled. Haynes ignored her. Again, she yelled: "Stop saying the word 'negro'!" And again.

These are stills for a Japanese porn. Westerners are big over there.

Bob Mould, legendary Husker Du frontman...

@Achiever: Lame and unfunny is one thing. But repetition is inexcusably lazy.

Sounds to me likes Anon's wife and kids wanted 3 weeks away from his dumb ass.

You'll never bang a skinny girl again

Sounds like fun. Nothing brings out the pretentiousness of the commentariat quite like discussing music, or more precisely, ridiculing others' taste in music.

Like most kids my age, I was forced to get a job as to appease my parents so they didn't "stop paying for my college."

If things are dysfunctional, that's managements fault. They're the ones who brought in the State Troopers on horse back in '31 to beat the players when all they wanted were chin straps to keep their leather helmets on.

@Hatey McLife: Hold on a Minutman, what are you trying to say?