They wind up having a daughter with a fruit  name and consciously uncoupling sometime in the future.

The one who will give you the better reference.

Advil.

For about $100 or less, you can send all your non-carryonable crap in a box via Fedex to the hotel. It will take a week via Economy Great Rate (call and ask them). This is what I’m doing from now on, after having one of the worst experiences ever with checked bags and because I hate having to run out and buy all my…

Jaime Thorbin.

Yes, I’m shocked, shocked, that such an entitled little shit is making contributions to the party of Satan.

I don’t even go in my friends’ pools and hot tubs.

I reapply to my really damaged areas: nose, few spots on forehead, etc. I don’t reapply to my whole face. The sun mostly burns the parts that stick out when you’re upright, like nose, cheekbones and just above the brow. Unless I am lying down outside, which I seldom do any more, I just touch up those areas.

John Waters

The wrapping is the only thing that’s biodegradable.

That’s a lot of people to hate. Was he targeting people or just killing randomly for kicks?

It’s possible your friend’s dog needed a bathroom break. House-trained dogs will hold in their pee until they get sick and vomit and can’t wait another minute and only then pee. That sounds like what happened there. Sounds like the poor dog felt bad about it, too.

Get a second cooking grid/grate and wash the other one whenever you feel like it.

Bats. Put up some bat houses. Other than that, patchouli oil spray works a little better, in my experience, than the other essential oils, but it does reek on its own and probably attracts hippies.

This is a summer problem?

Asking for favors makes people like you more?? It depends on who is doing the asking. My co-dependent stoner friend/acquaintance (straddling the line there) with the dependent stoner boyfriend who expects her friends to pick up the slack? Not so much.

At least it’s not month-old food from the Trump steakhouse that had 51 violations.

You totally missed, “cooked right,” and my explanation of the crunchy, creaminess that follows upon that. It’s even better without sauce and cheese. Badly cooked eggplant is as bad as overboiled spinach. Slimy, yes, but not representative.

Dr. Kellogg?

Kind of like the predictably hating reactions of certain carnivores when someone suggests cutting back on red meat would be a good thing.