It's like the principal watched Home Alone, and thought, "Ingenius! This could SAVE LIVES!"

Solitary confinement absolutely can be a form of torture, but don't kid yourself that it's cheaper to kill them than keep them. Death penalty cases cost far more money than inmates sentenced to life.

"Lock arms and block cemeteries. Let's see how committed you are to this idea." -Bill Hicks

So let me get this straight, Jennifer Aniston called Angelina Jolie an old leather shoe?

While pregnant woman wears noise cancelling headphones.

Dude, I now have a Euro cat for this very reason. Eating lunch one day, and in walked a goddamn cat. She is the best.

you got 99 problems and most of them are cats

in re: requested memo-

You are my hero! Thank you! I am downloading it right now...lack of wi-fi BE DAMNED.

Isn't Gabrielle Union, like 45 years old? How do all of her pics look like she's 18?

I think we don't need to discuss Bieber's bits ever again.

this is clearly rehearsed in some way, but i believe everything she said in this 100%. she's fucking hysterical, i truly believe she's super committed to her husband and he to her, i know she worships her kids and they worship her. she's the kind of person that i want to get everything they want, constantly. i love…

His tattoos looks like the sticker collection kids put on their parents fridge. All he needs is some magnetic alphabet letters and a "Chiquita" sticker.

A small intake of alcohol (1-2 unit's) is safe in pregnancy. Obviously glassing people is not an appropriate response, but there's no need to refuse service from the outset.

And here I am complaining about how I had to come to work after a five day vacation.

My only thought here is, "Gross beard is gross."

I honestly just feel sorry for this woman, because she's lost something beautiful, but she's too limited to ever really know it.

Speaking of Kanye and his late mother, here's my favorite sweet video of them. Literally brings a little tear to my eye because it's so sweet:

Agree. (And yes, schtick is a word. A Yiddish word. Google will confirm. Along with all my relatives.)