He’s got below average speed, unless he seizure in trouble.

Talk-in’ ‘bout, Hey now ! Hey now ! Eichel, Ankle, un-day.

lol you failed so hard with this comment.

Bene’ Beworkinelsewhere

That is by far the funniest thing Larry the Cable Guy has done.

90% of the people that read deadspin just want to make funny jokes in the comments.

The problem with the 90 minute argument is that soccer’s not 90 minutes of action either. Sure the ball is moving and people are kind of running around, but a lot of it is non-threatening towards goal scoring. If you treat every run like a baseball fan who cheers for every fly ball like it’s a home run, I’m sure it’s…

Right, 265 lb monsters who run the 40 in 4.65 seconds aren’t real athletes. Cool. Good to know. Thank you for taking the time to type that from your swivel chair.

If it doesn’t happen already, something cute and fuzzy should have to die any time the “only 10 mins of action in 3 hour time frame” hot take is vomited out of somebody’s face hole.

All of those benefits sound like negatives.

I would have it painted like the complaining neighbor’s house so if they complained, they would be complaining about the look of their own home.

I love how the captions are “f**k” but they didn’t bleep it out. Do deaf people hate curse words that much?

Notable predictions from Stephen A. Smith’s ancestors:

Yup, this. The Pens’ strategy in the third seemed to be, “Let’s sit back and let our rookie goaltender bail us out.” It worked, but at the expense of my gastrointestinal comfort.

Why does Univ. of North Carolina* still have an athletic department?

This is not shocking for a school whose hand signal is essentially an awkward, aggressive grope.

They look weird.

It is a little too late for the Hawks to start getting defensive about Game 2.

If someone has any actual evidence that the Penguins get fewer penalties and suspensions over the years than other teams, I’d love to see it. Otherwise, this storyline that they do is just whiny bullshit. It’s also amazing how all the alleged preferential treatment they get resulted in exactly zero titles or finals…

I. Fucking. Hate. The. *TOXIN* Babble.