1-48. Various Ringtones Preloaded On Phone.

Also an option: have your phone make some sort of normal phone noise, because you're an adult.

Wrong, here’s the real list:

That color...looks vaguely familiar...

what is the rationale for podcasts?

"Cutting down nets is stupid"

We should be so lucky to live in a world where Chip Kelly's personnel moves accidentally kills all the Philly fans.

Not sure which beating was worse: the one he laid on the MSU players or the one he laid on the English language.

Did Ovechkin not come from behind the smallest guy on the Pens' roster and put him in a sleeper hold?

Nothing poor about Tom Wilson. Fuck him. He starts shit like this all the fucking time.

Gratified with the results contingent on the sentences being appropriate for the crimes. However, I can't escape the feeling that James Franklin is due some responsibility for the post-incident attempts to avoid justice.

"I would not say that. I wouldn't say it either."

The funny thing is, if the goalie hadn't touched the ball with his hand before it going in the net, I still wouldn't have given a shit about this.

there called crisps over there Yank.

I heard he got canned after walking into his meeting with Elway and asking, "Hey John, why the long face?".

He's old as shit.

Sorry, but I'm keeping my built-in face scarf. Keeps my face warm in the winter.

so does Julius Erving

This is really unfair to Alex - does Deadspin favor the Celtics, or do you just have an anti-Len bias?