Stay mass-y, matter.

"I don't care if he can run a fast break, Tom, I don't want to have to tell you one more time, Gus was a stupid fucking movie."

Well, we now know for sure what he wouldn't do: wear brown shoes and a black belt.

Listen, I think Andrew Bogut's kind of a dick, too, but this is just offensive.

What Not to Do When ANY Athlete's Rape Charges Are Dropped

The good news is, he is almost definitely lying like a motherfucker.

It's too bad she was infested by literal demons, and not metaphorical demons. Literal demons are just so show-offy.

"Grampa, my pastor told me that he saw you molesting me when I was a baby. Is it true?"

Also, it's really disappointing how the media has a tendency to gloss over the fact that doing cocaine is fucking awesome and it makes me feel like a BEAUTIFUL SEX GOD GENIUS.

Yeah, Rape. Don't be a victim. Drink sensibly, Rape.

WHY DID YOUR NAME CHANGE?

I understand what you are saying. It was not my intent to de-legitimize sexual identities, in their varied forms, but rather Morrissey, and his various pretensions. I apologize.

I am definitely bigoted towards Morrissey.

To be fair, I wasn't making a joke about asexual people. I was making a joke about Morrissey.

Oh please. Morrissey is nothing more than a querulous, preening racist psychopath who wrote mortifying and inexplicably popular songs.

I find it galling that a teacher apparently doesn't know that the word is "unkempt," and not "unkept".

NOBODY ASKED YOU

Richie, Incognito.

So this guy, Incognito, he looks white, but what we don't know is, he's black.

She died of heart disease, yo.