Jen Lindley's dead, yo.

So, we get a new Coppola, like what, every five years now?

My evidence is purely anecdotal, of course, but I would venture that the belief that women do not like giving blowjobs is propagated by married men. And until marriage itself is outmoded, the idea is going to have some staying power.

Also, by what cockamamie estimation is that potato-head Snow White fairer than the Queen?

I wish there was a way to find out if your kid was going to turn out like Van Zant. I'd be all in favor of future-dickhead-selective abortion.

Shave the shame away, my friend.

People look at me and they think, "hey, there's a blonde guy right there, eating a sandwich," but what they don't know-because I haven't told them, I'm still eating and also because they can't see the wild, untamed growth of bright red luxurious pubic hair, I'm still eating-is that I'm a ginger. A secret ginger.

I can remember watching Tyler (his real name)-star quarterback (of an abysmal high school football team, but still) and the star forward on the high school basketball team-openly mocking Tad, one of the severely disabled autistic kids, in the cafeteria, pausing only to turn to the rest of us, his audience, to wink. I…

Bloody Mary.

Of course, the silver lining of Scalia's silver lining is that no mention was made of uncooked dinners and shoes in the kitchen.

If this woman didn't want to get compliments on her good looks, she should have burned her face with acid years ago like any decent person would.

I almost never comment here, but most of you Deadspin regulars seem to be into some pretty good music. Which brings me to my point: Jason Molina of Songs: Ohia and Magnolia Electric Co. died today. RIP.

Yo, your lede makes it sound as though she slept with Trump, which I assume was a mistake?

It is neither terrible nor ironic. It is simply fun.

No kidding, I watch this video ALL THE TIME.

YOU'RE WELCOME

Yada yada yada.

I'd hit it.

Is there a simple formula for producing well-behaved old people in public? Cuz those guys can be real jerks.

See, this is exactly why I have my five and two year-old on a strict television viewing diet of the Real Housewives franchise and Barbie cartoons.