This is America dammit. Call it socser so we don’t get it confused with our real sports.

The man is throwing children over 16 foot fences into yards and garages? He’s throwing children AT children in sandboxes?

It is a little too late for the Hawks to start getting defensive about Game 2.

Oh, so they’ll let a DT in the NFL trash talk a girl, but I can’t tell that bitch waitress to hurry up with my goddamn Old Crow?

You know it must be killing Rex to see his team constantly shoot itself in the foot. I hope for his well-being that the team can get things turned around soon.

Verdict: the Pope is not catholic.

Cleveland may be a shitty place to work, but the joke is on him, because most of its residents are unemployed.

"So I'd stop asking about it if I were you," concluded ESPN's statement, gesturing with its butter knife a little, then looking down and returning to eating its goddamn scalloped potatoes in goddamn peace.

People knew it was Winston when they noticed that nearby FSU campus police were looking the other way.

I've been playing fantasy football a long time, back when everything was done manually, and everything we learned about the game came from newspapers and television. It's just how I was raised. So when some second-rate website says I can't switch Adrian Peterson, it makes me wonder what good all this "progress" has…

Deadspin To Keith Olbermann: +1. Keith Olbermann to Deadspin: Ha! Roger Goodell to Deadspin, Olbermann: NOT EVEN NATIVE AMERICANS THINK THE NAME IS OFFENSIVE! Dan Snyder to Goodell: +1.

"Exculpatory? Listen, firstly of all, they are still married. And B, I just don't see how you can see her as culpatory."

So now we know. Two yards.

I think he was just scared that finger gun was real

Well, technically only OTL sat down with Snyder. Dan remained standing.

The thing said he had a back disease.

Go read the rest of the profile, especially how Jones overcame his hard-on for Johnny Manziel.

Peeps got jokes.