SOOOOO true. The "little people" (like myself, a receptionist in a corporate office) will ruin you if we're smart enough. We know everyone, we see everyone, we know when and where everyone is and we know everything going on in the office.

After being forced to deal with more and more asshole parents over the years, the school I teach at has started to flag them in our files and computer systems. If a parent is flagged as rude or aggressive, we never meet with them alone (which they HATE, makes us harder to intimidate). In my life in general I’ve found…

That’s what I was thinking. Something tragic happened and she just needed to do this. The dissociation from reality is what frightens me.

Sadly it’s not even close for me. I once did a postpartum home visit to find that the infant had died several days before but the mother was still bathing and dressing the little body and frantic because “She just won’t eat.” I suspect this will turn out to be something similar. Grief can do some powerfully tragic…

Kurt Vonnegut signed a used first edition book that I got. He didn’t complain. It even had plastic wrap around it to protect the cover. I was so happy he signed it because he refused to touch anyone else’s book. I told myself it must have been because I was so cute! Ha!!!

I’m OK with this. Don’t forget (or screw over) the little people, especially if you started as one.

He wrote “If I die it’s all your fault” in mine because I gave him some ibuprofen from my stash before he went on stage. He survived, so I guess I dodged a bullet.

He’s got a face that you WANT to want to punch, plus, you can’t help but think about the fact that he’d grab your ex on the rebound and convince her to have sex somewhere fairly uncomfortable, like the back seat of a volkswagon.

I want it to be Zooey Deschanel so badly.

I was an extra on a Ben Affleck movie; he was so damn nice to everyone even though all the extras were ANNOYING AS FUCK. None of them were actors, so they didn’t get the memo about the actors’ “personal space”- one even saw him smoking and asked if he could bum a cigarette, and Affleck just gave him one. Damn; the guy…

Many years ago I was on a flight and a passenger had something, I can’t even remember what, nothing rare or anything, and there was no room in the overhead bins for it. So a really nice flight attendant said she’d take it and put it in a closet. Not the cargo hold, just up in business class. And the guy insisted he’d…

He drew me a picture of a jack o lantern.

David Sedaris signed my book “Thank you for making me rich.” I love him.

David Sedaris! I told him that he got me an A in American Lit and he wrote in my book “I would have given you an A+.” He was awesome. Also on writer stories, I once met Dave Eggers and expected him to be a giant dbag, but he was really lovely and was excited to sign a bunch of stuff for my friend who introduced me to…

I’m early for an early flight out of Atlanta. I ask the baggage handler at the curb to tell me something I wouldn’t know about his job. He’s not busy, no one else there, two of us having a smoke.

Julia said the actress was nice, so probably not Katherine Heigl...

Some of my lit students were telling celebrity stories recently, and I happily talked about the time I met Junot Diaz.

These stories run the gamut from hilarious to downright horrifying. Still, if I got the Ezekiel 25:13 speech from Sam Jackson it’d be like the sun on my heart for a thousand years.

#notallwalruses

SPF30 is some melanin haver shit. Us true day walkers require SPF50+