I never got the appeal of Woody Allen. His movies are so freaking unfunny.

Kill it with fire.

I have a great idea for a Woody Allen movie. It's about this guy, right, and he seems to get away with molesting his daughter until one day the cops come knocking. It's a drama that ends with the main character dying in jail.

WOODY ALLEN: [leans in]

Jesus Fucking Christ. There's no way I can eloquently express just how awful this is.

You clearly haven't been to a Burger King in the last decade if you think that.

Whoa, my eyes glided over the mention of age and I pictured about six, seven. Wow.

hah! i don't understand how people think that denying someone a future of their abusive behavior is a threat.

Where was the semen? I really was expecting semen!

Letter #1. I immediately discounted this dude when he said, "but with ranch dressing."

Yeah no. Eminem was, and continues to be, hated by feminists, conservatives, and black people (not that those three are mutually exclusive).

one thing i love about bco is after it gets posted, people flood it with more awesome stories. it's the gift that keeps on giving.

This is my favorite BCO ever. LOVED every single one.

I was serving a grandfather and his teenage grandson. The kid asked for a bowl of chili, at which point I explained that we were out of chili, apologized (why we as servers have to do this, I don't know, but we do) and told him the other soups we had available. The kid said, "But I wanted the chili." Ok, well,…

I just threw up a little bit thinking about ranch dressing on shrimp.

"Now, that first story might not seem to be some huge righteous vengeance,..."

This is how I acquire 95% of my Tupperware. Lazy assholes at my work leave their moldy shit in really nice Tupperware until it becomes a Dana/Zuul situation, so I, the "Tupperware Fairy", clean the fridge out, wash the nice 'ware and take it home as payment. It has been a year and no one has ever said anything.

I think the way people behave on public transportation is such a good indication of their character. You did the right thing!

My 28 year old ex dated a 16 year old after we broke up. I was like, "well, he's mentally at her age so I wish them well!"

Someone needs to make a Mortal Combat gif that says "BLOCK HIM!!!!!". Please.