Are we sure that’s not just a member of the Gase clan?

There’s a very simple reason why McQueary didn’t go to the cops right away: sometimes when we see things that go against our pre-existing beliefs, our brains work their asses off to come up with reasoning. McQueary respected Sandusky as a football coach and seeing him rape a child was outside of what he expected. So…

Texas attorney general Ken Paxton placed the case under seal, so no documents were made publicly available.

Exactly.  “We know this horrible thing happened but we’re denying it and ignoring you - but you’d better not say any words we don’t like!”

If anyone in any other industry tweeted this irresponsibly they’d... umm... still be president.

He’s going to be the biggest heel in the XFL.

“Antonio needs help, from his agent, from his manager, from his loved ones, from his doctors, and he’s not getting it.”

the team had to do Civil War-battlefield surgery on the roster

Good riddance, but if he wants to take Kraft and Roethlisberger with him, I wouldn’t object.

Fucking spoilers, asshole!

But at least the new helmet is working out though.

This is the worst episode of Ballers ever. 

QB: MAY, 19, 68... MAY... 19... 68...

Fan: COMMUNIST MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRR

QB: KILL, KILL... [Looks to sidelines, wild-eyed; makes exaggerated shrug]

Offensive Coordinator: [Signals “2" and “0"]

QB: [Nods, returns to snap count] BLUE DOG 2020, BLUE DOOOOG 2020!

CENTER: [Snaps ball]

QB: [Drops back three steps]

[Fakes left]

[Hand…

After the game, the fan will go back to his home that he pays for through a government-backed mortgage. He’ll drive on roads his taxes pay for. However, many other states’ residents also pay for Mississippi roads because Mississippi takes in more tax revenue than it provides for itself. So he can’t even lean on the…

“It’s not entirely clear who this fired-up fan of capitalism was shouting at here”

I mean, who can actually tell the difference between Peter Falk circa 1976 and your average, run-of-the-mill humanities professor?

What are the benefits associated with being in one of these bands?

Sounds like Columbo, but it’s really 3 humanities professors who got suckered into being on the committee. I’m sure their combined expertise in Renaissance poetry, critical theories of ethnicity, and semiotics will get to the bottom of this quickly and efficiently.

It’s just like my dad always says...
*three minute voicemail of ambient traffic noise and AM radio*

Unless things have changed since the early 2000s, the guy with the restraints is an actual Chicago cop. Which explains his struggle to put a white person in handcuffs.