Dude, I am an introvert and I find this hilarious. I even sent it to my extrovert pseudo-owners because they need a better understanding of how to properly interact with me.

Years ago, I had a coworker whose older-teen son was an aspiring artist, and I offered the father some art books that I was about to donate—but mentioned that there is some nudity associated with figure studies. He started pearl-clutching and fretting—even as I explained to him that an artist has to be able to draw…

Yup, they got one of those huge damned grandfather clocks too. I don’t even know who would want the thing, save someone looking for lumber.

My parents explained to my brother and myself that they had one big concern when the time comes—they worried that we would fight over a MASSIVE German shrunk that they bought when the family was stationed in Germany.

Yup, toddler/kid me never thought to climb my furniture, but I carved the heck out of them!
(...my parents used that as an excuse to dump all of the old wooden furniture on me when I moved out.)

Ahhh, but this is America. If your teeth are not bright enough to serve as a backup warning beacon for Gondor, then you must be tooth-shamed!!

If that clown tried to alter the booze at one of my coworkers’ gatherings, he would have vanished and the remains would never be found.

I have the opposite problem—my job (air traffic controller) is too interesting and can easily consume any conversation. Even as I try to steer the conversation elsewhere, I have had other people outside of the conversation approach and pepper me with questions.

Don’t forget, “draft-dodging coward!”

Some. As a military school graduate, I have been worried that my friends are all Trumpers. Thankfully, my circle of friends in the military were smart enough to know that 45 was bad news from the start.

I have not seen any movies because following the antics of the current president, the impending war(s), the fall of our country’s respectability in the eyes of the rest of the world, and so on has me actively trying to plan/prepare for ways to survive a disaster.

That is a smart rule for anyone in a professional environment. However, this instructor was experiencing a complete failure in judgement on multiple levels, so the door was probably the least of his issues. (I did not go to his office alone after that incident, always taking another male student with me)

Back when I lived in the south, I would “clean” a skull by dropping it on top of a fire ant pile for a few weeks. It takes time, but they do all of the dirty work that I did not want to do.

Years ago, I was sitting in an instructor’s office for some additional instruction. Likeable guy, amusing instructor, and very much married with multiple kids.

They would have a hard time finding someone ugly enough for that job.

I have come to learn that everything is okay as long as it is a white male doing it. God forbid a black man or a woman do anythiiiiing. It is mind boggling how much the GOP is willing to ignore where Trump is involved, despite how every little thing about HRC was a massive issue.

On “My Love is From the Star” (K-drama), I watched in awe as the protagonist put lotion on the back of her hands, rub the back of her hands together for a bit, THEN rub the rest of her hands.

“I don’t want to look back and think, “I could have eaten that,” is my motto for traveling. I usually have a list of food items to hunt down while visiting a particular spot, and I will be ridiculously obsessed on finding all of my items before leaving. I also eat anything that catches my fancy—ANYTHING.

I discovered this while in Venice. All of the squid my Korean mother ever made has been rubbery and bland. However, a non-tourist restaurant off the beaten path in Venice made me sit up, stare in awe at my dish, and text my mother to tell her that their calamari was the best thing I have ever had.

Well, in ancient Rome, they DID find murals/doodles of dongs. Granted, the murals served a purpose in brothels and temples dedicated to fertility, but guys still doodled dongs on walls because they could.