“The action is frenetic...back and forth... and it ends in.. a draw!!”

Suck a cheetah’s dick!

LeBron James Saves Cleveland Sports Illustrated

[wonders what World Cup sex would be like]

I'd like to think that they'll listen to their German coach and relax a little, but honestly, I don't think they'll have time for that shit.

You seem like a good dude.

Literally no one knows.

I enjoy life, Norm. I enjoy life.

I'd keep him on the roster. It's rare to find a player who can go out and give you 21-21-21 every night.

"But look at you now... a burner account on Deadspin! Things are looking up!"

...but Shawn Michaels would make the cut, since baseball types love a good Montreal Screwjob.

I think the real problem with Stone Cold comes down to character. His career value is completely tied to his ERA, and quite frankly, it's all Attitude.

Think of Trebek asking Pete what he wagered...

Somehow McCutchen will soldier on without your respect.

Oh, wait. Sorry. I was thinking of Tommy Lee Jones. Carry on.

So this band's so good I'm throwing two songs on here from them (I just couldn't decide). It doesn't really do them justice though, as the album kind of plays best as a whole. Regardless, both songs stand on their own merits. Also, in the shameless department, if you're interested, here's a thing I wrote about…

It's the guide you probably weren't waiting for! If the appearance of Ron Burgundy at the Canadian Curling Olympic trials this week piqued your interest, I've gone long, writing an entire guide to what the 2013 Roar Of The Rings is all about, who's playing, who to cheer for, who's a colossal asshole, and who will win.

Brett Favre isn't looking so ridiculous now, huh, Deadspin??

That's preposterous. Rob Ford would never steal a seat. He's got more than enough to seat at home.