I was reading this and picturing...complete with accent.

I am going to be evicted from my house and will be homeless soon. My parents are also going through a divorce and I have to go to Court next week.

"I'm in my 30's (Between 30-39)"

Oh my god, that can't be unseen!

I really want to know what message Bradley Cooper is trying to send us all with this shit. He knows people are going to take photos of him so he goes into a public park with a girl who looks like she's barely 12 and starts reading Lolita in full view of photographers. That is some sick and twisted shit Coop.

"I was not expecting her to be putting her butt that close to my son..."

"I was not expecting her to be putting her butt that close to my son," says Robin Thicke's bewildered mom. [NYDN]

I'm inexplicably emotionally invested in J Law and Hoult's relationship so I was super excited by that bullet about their bike ride and clicked the link to be happy. And the title is Jennifer Lawrence Spotted Bike Riding Without Nicholas Hoult. You LIED to me Lindy and broke my heart.

However, unlike Blade Runner, anal sex is vastly improved when narrated by Harrison Ford.

Quite surprised at the low rankings for "anal." Didn't win one state. This is just like when "Blade Runner" got shut out of the Oscars.

I can see it now...a bunch of shirtless doctors actively ignoring their patients whilst spritzing the ER with enough cologne to take down a small village.

I haven't had a dessert dessert since ummm... January. And now all I want is this creampie. I don't even care that I just read what creampie means 20 times over in the first comment. I want that pie. In and around my face. All over.

eh....I'd fuck it.

Assless hospital gowns only available in XS.

Of course Massachusetts, state capital Boston, loves creampies...

She's a porn star. Apparently, all of Nevada is only attracted to one woman.

Kentucky is kawaii as fuck.

OH NO. DO. NOT. Google.

I must be seriously sheltered... wtf is creampie? I picture this

Awww, cocksucker. I miss Deadwood.