There are ways to express anger and distress at a horrible situation without publicly stating you'd like to see children "inhumanely euthanized". In my opinion as a mod that comment did cross a line and I moved it accordingly. I hardly think that counts as reactionary; I didn't take your star or even de-heart you.…

Excellent work! Very well done, megatronic!

I tend to think of robot-dog owners as adventurous and eccentric but highly changeable. Men with dire wolves are usually super hot but... well, a wee bit dim. And men with footstool dogs are always under some fucking curse or other that makes them think it's all right to kidnap random French women and give them…

Aha, no, you see that's what everyone thinks, but the 'milk' thing actually just comes from a mistranslation of 'mink'. But all my mink are virgins, just in case.

I bathe in mink to keep my skin looking young and minky.

Please don't approve comments like this. It screws up the commenter audition process and ends up making more work for the mods. Repeat offenders lose their stars.

"It puts the jacket on the daschund..."

Seconded, tiempo grande.

ABOUT TIME. Dodai, you were meant to have these on my desk first thing this morning! Now I'm completely behind on my ass reports.

Hello! Just popping in to spread the word that comments don't show up on Troll Patrol unless you post the timestamp on [jezebel.com]. Thanks for your help!

Hiya! Thanks for tagging this, but just to let you know, a comment doesn't actually show up on the Troll Patrol forum unless you post the comment timestamp on [jezebel.com], like you'd post in Groupthink or the CotD forum. All help is hugely appreciated!

"There's an old saying in Dorne - I know it's Dorne, probably in Riverrun - that says, behead me once, shame on... shame on you; behead me... you can't get beheaded again."

5 stars. Would heart again.

Yay, thank you!

Aw, thank you! I was thinking about eating you but instead I'll let you live.

I can think of at least one point where "How to Survive a Shark Attack" coincides with "Top Tips for Speechmakers".

It's ok, it's ok, don't panic! We can probably use the skills we learned from our girls survival book to survive the boy crises too. If we're on a sinking ship, one of us can teach her cat to sit in the hole and stop the water getting in. Problem solved. If we're attacked by a T-Rex, we'll quickly become best friends…

Yeah, whatevs. Lounge all you want on your comfy inflatable panty liner. I'll just be bobbing past, precariously balanced on an oversized menstrual cup, screaming "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! IT CHANGED MY LIFE!".

I love Lauren Alaina's dress, not least because I suspect we can use it to decode the Matrix.

You want to write steamy fanfiction about your lipstick?