That's probably the most efficient shot he's ever taken.

That's not booze, dickhead, it's kidney medicine that happens to be more effective when applied topically.

The saddest thing is that, right after this video was taken, Francis went over to his friends and presented them with the empty bottle as evidence that his drink was drunk in love.

Frankly, I thought my follow-up question was better:

Hand down, man down. Mamma there goes that man right to the unemployment line.

Criticizing how a white guy handles his baby, Kyle. Who's the real racist here?

"This is possibly the most redundant question yet. I feel like we're in that movie Conception."

I have a viscous behind the back move, but that's because I'm 36 and abuse promethazine and codeine syrup. We've all got our albatross.

[walks into Buck Foston's]

Man, that Snowden guy tattles on everybody.

So you're telling me Chili Cheese Fritos and beef jerky aren't a healthy diet for us regular, non-incarcerated people? Thanks for telling me how to live my life deadspin. OR IS THIS FOODSPIN IN DISGUISE. I FUCKING SEE YOU BURNETKO

You are older than:

So they're not drafting Michael Sam?

(I'll show myself out.)

If you lift crab legs, odds are you're gonna get pinched.

Deadspin columnist Tim Donaghy?

What's Kenan Thompson doing there?

His upcoming memoir about San Francisco's OTAs is rumored to be titled Mein Camp.