Ahem, Jolene doesn't actually steal the man; she's being warned not to in the song. ;-)
And in real life, that shameless hussy was unsuccessful! Dolly and Carl have been married nearly 50 years.

Dolly is a fucking National Treasure.

The Ohio State football helmets?

♪ Do you know the way to San Jose?
I've been away so long, I may go wrong and go astray
Do you know the way to San Jose?
Oh, I know how I'll start, the smell of dumpling shart will lead the way ♪

Well, that was certainly a Miracle Whipping.

That has been my go-to insult for years.

We need a 7-day-a-week Daily Show. 4 days of Jon, 3 of John. BOOM.

Just as a comment on the "boobs as defining femininity" thing: I read this piece once that said that breasts are the closest thing that women have to a phallic symbol, which is why we're obsessed with them in much the same way.

That wasn't nearly as heated as when a used car dealer and I got into an argument over the worth of a Geo.

"ESPN Is Dumb": Jason Whitlock's Thoughts About Eating Smaller Portions of Nourishment Over The Years

It had nothing to do with Griffey. The sun was behind them, and they were sick of being called Northwestern rednecks.

I wish Michael Vick had been involved in the human pit bull thing that is the UFC. Would Chael Sonnen have cried in the rape chair?

"This is not his # anymore. I have had this # since last Wednesday. I would appreciate it if this all stopped. Thank you."

If growing up around Curtis, blow and basketball is such a problem, why did I turn out so normal?

It's hard to consider yourself a good coach if you're not teaching your players how to distribute the rock.

Meanwhile, the president of DC Drug Ring has been charged with assault.

My wife sometimes asks me why I spend so much time on Deadspin instead of with my family. And sometimes I wonder that as well. And then you go and make a reference to Admiral Stockdale as it pertains to a rookie's twitter feed; and I fall in love all over again.

Do not make eye contact with the UFC.

Reports of non-prescription painkiller overdoses have risen in Seattle, to honor both Ken Griffey Jr and Kenny Easley.

They put on a Reds uniform, fell asleep, and then shit the bed?