And then that little Morgan Freeman from The Shawshank Redemption voice in my head said, "I wish I could tell you that I'm not yet so lazy that I can't get drunk and eat junk food at the same time. I wish I could tell you that..."

Is he demonstrating how he'd stab his friend in the chest?

And here I thought Dungeons & Dragons turning our kids into satanic wizards (or Cheetos-addicted geeks) was the worst thing going on right now. This place has them visualizing killing one another all day!

This guy seems to have a lot of issues. Deciding he was trans seems to be one of them.

Looks like you settled her hash, though.

What the fuck is a "Little Miss Muffin?"

It made me think of rape.

"Kinda rapey?"

Writing Captions For Fun and Profit

Can we please stop using the word "rapey?"

Quit messing with us— we all know Mittens wrote this ages ago, had his footmen carry it to his fraternity brothers, and went on to make a killing or three.

Hee!

And that one time she wore some shoes I liked, so I just know that she must have fallen in with a bad crowd during that tornado that she did all for her kids.

Such alleged harassment reportedly includes contacting Elson's paralegal "in an inappropriate and aggressive manner"; making derogatory comments about Elson to the couple's business manager, in an attempt to "harass and embarrass [her]"; and bullying Elson continuously via phone calls, texts and emails pressuring her…

Sometimes?

"I'm lovin' it."

Let us know when you get back from your yoga class, Anthony.

A woman gave me a demon once, and I never even thanked her.

"Not really, everything is fine, and if I had more foreskins I would cut all them off too."

While one's privates want what they want, I'll take this moment to advise you to stay away from racist, ass-clown musicians. Especially shitty, frat-funk ones like these morons.