@AzureTexan: I guess that Joe just Surrendered.

"It’s the Internet," he said. "Don’t believe anything that’s on it."

@Hatey McLife: +88

Larry Ellison craps bigger than Mark Cuban.

This desperately needs a #mature tag.

Mushnick has the male pattern balding/butt cut look down better than any other guy on the planet. And thank god Billy Packer is fishing somewhere.

@DAULERIO: Well, there are just about enough college kids on spring break to make up one of his orchestras. Good call.

I think they both just got dizzy and that ended the fight. Next time fellas, ask the figure skaters how they spin so much without losing it.

That Vivaldi shit sucks. If you want to get something really going with the ladies, you need to bust out the Schubert, or at least Mozart. Leave the Handel alone though - that fucker could turn Spring Break into a total orgy/riot.

Bill Caswell, Jalopnik's own Beowulf.

@Bucket O' Hatorade: It seems to me that Piazza screwed his team by not at least attempting to kick Clemens' ass for that crap - he looked weak after doing nothing. Clemens' explanation seconds afterward was classic as well, and should have gotten him ejected: "I thought it was the ball". Baseball's rules don't…

It was 1992, and I was in the Hoosierdome, watching the Richmond Red Devils win their first and only IHSAA basketball state championship. While that game played in front of me, Christian Laettner put a knife in the gut of all UK fans on the monitor attached to the ceiling above me. Simultaneous joy and agony.

If Bonds were finally to admit that he used HgH and steroids knowingly and was willing to go through the media shitstorm that would ensue, he would deserve the same consideration. However, I don't know of a reason to bring Bonds back into the game - can he coach at all? Does he have some business acumen regarding…

I'm gonna quote Dylan Moran here and say, "Ah, the craic, John".

The contest has been skewed by all the Tennessee fans yelling, "Squeal like a pig, boy!" as they cast their votes.

I can't seem to find the sonnet she wrote about John Terry hammering his teammate's one true love and thus consigning his team's hopes to flames of woe. Woe!

I was sitting in the back seat of a car that had it's driver side door smashed open as it sat on the shoulder of the interstate. Almost embedded the door in the front wheel. It can happen, Drew. Oh yes, it can happen.

That is a hard, crusty, cantankerous white center surrounded by chocolate goodness right there.

@vavon205: Top Gear must have done the decal work on that door.

The embarrassing part is that it took them 3 weeks to find the 10 kilos of dope under the back seat.