@AzureTexan: Good on you. Tell him to hurry up, by the way. He still has to trim the shrubs.

@AzureTexan: Isn't "David Duke mows my lawn" reverse racism?

Even the Marx Brothers hadn't considered this Cocoanut comedic opportunity.

@Theodore Donald Kerabatsos: Big Hondo clearly has a shot, as long as he can keep away from the buffet table.

I think the reason that no one cares about Gonzalez leaving is that no one is surprised that the Padres are once again falling apart. When "institutional malaise" is a phrase associated with your club, you tend not to get too upset when they make the wrong move.

Will, reading your MLB team preview/musing each day is like reading a Jeremy Clarkson road test column - you mostly know what you're talking about, you breezily don't really explain much, and you'd much rather be powersliding a Ferrari adorned in red.

Any vehicle in warfare that is not very maneuverable is a deathtrap - hell, one decent hit from an anti-aircraft missile would result in nearly 100% casualties. It reminds me of this equally silly Soviet invention:

I'm guessing that this might not be Torii's favorite movie.

I think that Angelos proper fucked this team when he took their broadcast rights in order to buy his support for the move from Montreal.

It's good to see that Deadspin has finally devolved into it's proper niche: discussing sororities.

The nice thing about this heartwarming story is that no one looks like an asshole.

@Demon Deacon Blues: One thing he won't be doing is meeting anyone tonight in Atlantic City.

I thought the Reds might have a good shot last year - their starting rotation looked strong. But Harang's loss of effectiveness evidently wasn't a temporary thing, and Cueto couldn't sustain his chase to reach his potential. Both are big question marks this year. Volquez won't be much of a factor this year, even if…

According to Webster's online dictionary, crook in this context is defined as "a person who engages in fraudulent or criminal practices". If Mr. McQuillan can prove that the study mentioned above involved some measure of fact-bending, it could be deemed fraudulent, and since Mr. Atkinson in part funded the study, he…

I understand that he and his fiance Melinda Morecock are planning to hyphenate their last names on that special, special day.

The Hillsboro Reds and the Zephyrhills Rays are a bit funny too - but my favorite is the Chickamauga Braves.

So down stairs in my sex basement one afternoon after school

@Doug Dascenzo's Only Fan: How many degrees of separation are there between Charlemagne and George Brett's hemorrhoids?

Dash, the answer to your question.

@The Dewd: Strangely enough, when I see that picture I don't think "FREEDOM!", I think "The pen is blue - the goddamn pen is blue!"